EVERYDAY: Our Wedding (Groom: The Pre-Wedding)


November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤

GROOM: When she was still my fiancée, my wife would (once-in-a-while) ask me “When did you know / decide that you will marry me?” and I would always answer that I already knew it when I started to woo her. And she would not believe that. But it is true. I did not pursue her just to fool around. I pursued her because I wanted to be committed to her.

I proposed on October 27, 2018 in Coron, Palawan and we decided to get married (more or less) a year after the proposal. We planned our wedding date to coincide with our first date which was on November 18 but it would fall on a Monday so we decided to move it on the nearest Saturday which was on November 16. One of the mistakes that we did was to book a reception venue first before a Church. However, we already paid a non-refundable fifty thousand peso advance payment for the reception so there is really no choice but to just pick any Church for our wedding. I searched for every near church in the area but to no avail so I looked for farther Churches located in Batangas (Caleruega and Chapel on the Hill) for a weekend date. Caleruega’s 2PM schedule was fully booked until 2020. Luckily, I was able to find a free Sunday slot in Chapel on the Hill. I remember driving from my house in Sta. Ana, Manila to Chapel on the Hill in Batanagas just to reserve the available date (November 24, 2019). Consequently, we also had to change the date with our venue coordinator.

After those two major suppliers were booked, everything went by so fast. There were too many discussions and problems which came thru but my wife and I solved it by talking properly. We did not want to involve our parents so much since we wanted them to just attend the ceremony and not worry much about it.

One month before the wedding, we felt exhausted because of all the errands and the work that we should do. I just wanted everything to get done. I was already thinking of the days after the wedding (sana matapos na). 

We checked-in in our hotel on November 23, 2019 (a day before the wedding) so our families could still rest and chill before our busy day.  There was a forecasted bad weather on our wedding day so I could not relax. I was very anxious since I did not want our day to be ruined by a storm. We worked hard and sacrificed a lot just to have the BEST wedding.

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced433

I woke up at 6am on November 24, 2019. The first thing I did was to look outside and thanked God for a blue sky. The weather was fair until the time that we had to go to the Church. It rained when my family and I were being transported to the Church. The rain was so hard. I was pissed and sad but I just prayed and I tried to be calm. Our coordinator was very helpful calming me. 

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced435

My husband is wearing a really dark emerald suit, dark brown tie, shoes and belt. 

The room assigned to my husband is a lot bigger than mine. All of his entourage can fit inside the house. ❤ I’m pretty sure they are watching him and our PV team while they were shooting him here. 😀

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced428

Yep! We pick GOOOOODD. ❤ It’s the watch I gave him for this 25th birthday! Our minimalist white marble invitation and the perfume I gave him too as a Christmas gift before. Since then, he’s been using the scent. ❤

It’s his siblings helping him straighten his tie and close his suit, dashing as ever. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced474

WOAHHHHH. HANDSOME ALERT. ❤ 

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced483

Our PV team had a fun time. Our hotel made it easy for them to shoot. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced498

To officially introduce our groom squad. here’s the 3 of his siblings as his bestmen, 2 of the husbands of my close friends, his high school bestfriend and his cousin. My brother and his first cousins as our Secondary Sponsor.

Our groom squad is all wearing a black suit and black shoes. We all gave them neckties that will match with our bride squad. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced507

We are surrounded with greenery and fresh air, complimenting and emphasizing the beautiful day of our union. ❤

Mr. Darcy in real life! I married this man. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced519

And boys, being boys. They had to start the day with a shot of alcohol. Uhm hello? You’ll be marrying me.  What do you need the alcohol for? 😛

And with a shot of Jack Daniels, off they go to the church, while the groom stays to have a photo with his family. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced528

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced538

Lastly, here’s my dashing groom opening my gift: A bunch of adventures and dates. ❤

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced503

Bride to Groom: ‘My love, My life, My All – Baba we never have to miss another seat sale again! I love you so much. To more red eye flights, road trips, trying out hole in the wall restaurants, hopping to 1 hotel to the other. DATE DAY is all on! I can’t wait. I love love love you! ❤ ”

Groom to Bride: ‘Hi Mahal! I bought this property in 2016 para tirhan natin! Please receive the main keys for our condominium! Excited to spend our time together here. I-design and mag netflix and chill. I love you! See you sa altar! ”

TimoteoPhotoEnhanced544

 

BOOK REVIEW : Normal People by Sally Rooney


GOODREADS: At school Connell and Marianne pretend not to know each other. He’s popular and well-adjusted, star of the school soccer team while she is lonely, proud, and intensely private. But when Connell comes to pick his mother up from her housekeeping job at Marianne’s house, a strange and indelible connection grows between the two teenagers—one they are determined to conceal. A year later, they’re both studying at Trinity College in Dublin. Marianne has found her feet in a new social world while Connell hangs at the sidelines, shy and uncertain. Throughout their years in college, Marianne and Connell circle one another, straying toward other people and possibilities but always magnetically, irresistibly drawn back together. 

20200222_121653

Reading the book was quite exhausting. The love story of Marianne and Connell was tiring but the book carefully dissects the character of both. Communication in a world full of judgement and people acting cool and the contest between who can care less and invests no feelings in the relationship is lonely. Both of them obviously have feelings toward another but not being able to tell it directly makes them go in continuous circle.

Both characters have complex personalities but the way they think is so raw and real and exactly what happens every single day. But as you continue to read the book, you’ll watch how the characters develop and learn more about themselves, embrace them and finally be comfortable in their own skin (without having to think about what other people would think)

  • Don’t delude yourself. I have nothing to learn from you.
  • Everyone has to pretend not to notice that their social lives are arranged hierarchically, with certain people at the top, some jostling at mid-level, and others lower down.
  • ‘People in school don’t lie her, do they? So I suppose you were afraid of what they would say about you, if they found out.’
  • It’s easy for them to have opinions, and to express them with confidence. They don’t worry about appearing ignorant or conceited.
  • He knew then that the secret for which he had sacrificed his own happiness and the happiness f another person had been trivial all along, and worthless. He and Marianne could have walked down the school corridors hand in hand, and with what consequence? Nothing really. No one cared.
  • I suppose I didn’t want you to think I was damaged or something.
  • There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes.
  • Is the world such an evil place, that love should be indistinguishable?
  • Life is the thing you bring with you inside your own head.
  • She feels pleasurably crushed under the weight of his power over her, the vast ecstatic depth of her will to please him.
  • She is an abyss that he can reach into, an empty space for him to fill.
  • I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I cared what people thought of me.

What they have now, they can never have back again.. But for her the pain of  loneliness will be nothing to the pain that she used to feel, of being unworthy. He brought her goodness like a gift and now it belongs to her. Meanwhile his life opens out before him in all directions at once. They’ve done a lot of good for each other. Really, she thinks really. People can really change one another.

‘You should go’. she says. I’ll always be here. You know that.

BOOK REVIEW : Regretting you by Colleen Hoover


Goodreads: Morgan Grant and her sixteen-year-old daughter, Clara, would like nothing more than to be nothing alike.Morgan is determined to prevent her daughter from making the same mistakes she did. By getting pregnant and married way too young, Morgan put her own dreams on hold. Clara doesn’t want to follow in her mother’s footsteps. Her predictable mother doesn’t have a spontaneous bone in her body.
The only person who can bring peace to the household is Chris—Morgan’s husband, Clara’s father, and the family anchor. But that peace is shattered when Chris is involved in a tragic and questionable accident. Morgan finds comfort in the last person she expects to, and Clara turns to the one boy she’s been forbidden to see.

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of reading Coho books. ❤ ever since I saw her post about working on this book, I’ve been reeling to get my hands on this!

The story of Morgan and Clara blends together so well. Two different individuals with two different personalities going through the same loss paired with confusion and lots of heartache. It’s like Coho gave us all three books in one. You’ll see a grieving wife and a sister who’s experiencing the worst betrayal but continues to fall in love and learns to put down her walls. You’ll see a teenage girl who’s grieving for her hero yet finds out one of the most painful secrets. You’ll see how the relationship of a mother and her daughter grows through life experiences.

”Everyone around me seems to have a purpose, yet I feel like I’ve reached the age of thirty four and have absolutely no life outside of Clara and Chris”. From this book, I think I appreciated my mother better. Morgan’s pent up feelings and issues of self doubt felt so painfully real. You’ll see how much mothers sacrifice for their children, putting their dreams and life to a pause or to a complete stop. I wonder if all mothers go through that? feeling like you have no life other than being a mother to your children and a wife to your husband. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong. But like Morgan, that’s one of my fears too. Coho illustrated it so well. I wish every mother knows how important they are and how respected, appreciated and loved they are.

It makes me wonder how a seemingly good husband seems to be perfect one time and hurts you so much without knowing it? How can anyone be perfectly good liars in front of your face? I hate that I liked Chris at first. ‘What if your future wife doesn’t like it?’ ‘ You won’t’.

I love the adoring banter between Miller and his gramps. Gramps is pretty witty himself. ❤ And the way Jonah freakin saves all the watermelon jolly ranchers ever since they were kids? GAH. And the way Miller has been stalking Clara for three years!! I want a promposal, just like that. ❤ ‘One of these days, that girl is gonna notice me. You just wait’. 😀 Plus miller named his truck Nora!!! The character Clara played in the theater. ❤

  • I wonder if humans are the only living creatures who feel hollow inside.
  • Sometimes when we’re alone, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away.
  • His words jar me.
  • I love it when he smiles, even after all these years of marriage.
  • Sometimes you have to walk away from the fight in order to win it.
  • I guess that happends when you become a mother, though. Your focus is no longer on yourself.
  • Heartbreak builds character.
  • For some reason, sadness in music eases music eases the sadness in my soul. It’s like the worse the heartache in a song is, the better I feel.
  • I’ve believed in you the moment I met you. I believe in myself now that I’ve finally left you.
  • I think it’s time I figure out who I was meant to become before I started living my life for everyone else.
  • Everything you do is epic, Clara.
  • Grown ups might not have their shit figured out nay more than we do. They just wear more convincing masks.
  • I just love you because I can’t help it, and it feels good to love you.
  • Attraction isn’t something that only happens once, with one person. It’s part of what drives humans. Our attraction to each other, to art, to food, to entertainment. Attraction is fun. So when you decide to commit to someone, you aren’t saying, ‘I promise I’ll never be attracted to anyone else’. You’re saying, ‘I promise to commit to you, despite my potential future attraction to other people’.
  • Relationships are hard for that very reason. Your body and your heart don’t stop finding the beauty and the attraction in other people simply because you’ve made a commitment to one person. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re drawn to someone else, it’s up to you to remove yourself from that situation before it becomes too hard to fight.

I ache, I smiled, I teared up, I hurt. One morning when I was with my colleague buying breakfast, she looked at me worried asking if I’m okay because I was tearing up, and I only said, I’m reading. ❤ This is what Colleen does to me.

BOOK REVIEW : The sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur


GOODREADS: Divided into five chapters and illustrated by Kaur, the sun and her flowers is a journey of wilting, falling, rooting, rising, and blooming. A celebration of love in all its forms.

MY GOD. How can I describe this book? I simply can’t. The only thing I need to recount and share is that I have been bookmarking and highlighting NON-STOP. If I was reading a hard copy, it would be wet with neon markers.

I love 97% of the book. ❤ ❤ ❤

  • You left and I wanted you still yet I deserved someone who was willing to stay
  • It isn’t what we left behind that breaks me. It’s what we could’ve built had we stayed.
  • I could be anything in the world but I wanted to be his.
  • You’re everywhere except right here, and it hurts.
  • If I’m not the love of your life, I’ll be the greatest loss instead.
  • Why is it that when the story ends, we begin to feel all of it.
  • You do not just wake up and become a butterfly.
  • My mother sacrificed her dream so I can dream
  • Never feel guilty for starting again.
  • When death takes my hand, I will hold you with the other and promise to find you in every lifetime.
  • I will no longer compare my path to the other.
  • The day you have everything, I hope you remember when you had nothing.
  • How do I love myself enough to know your accomplishments are not my failures.

GAHH. It’s about loss, self love, accepting your flaws, loving yourself, holding yourself accountable for your actions, living life, finding value and everything in between. ❤

EVERYDAY: I’m Engaged! <3


Last October 27, 2018, my life changed.

 

Last October 27, we flew to Coron.

Last October 27, we went to Sophia’s Garden Resort.

Last October 27, I ate bagnet for lunch.

Last October 27, I took some pictures and selfies.

Last October 27, we climbed 700+ steps to the peak of Mt. Tapyas.

Last October 27, I laughed with my friends, held Jude’s hands and whispered, ‘ayoko na. pagod na ko’ on the way to the top while sweating like a pig.

Last October 27, Jude patiently and continuously wiped all my sweat and fixed my hair.

Last October 27, we went back to the resort in a van.

Last October 27, It was a normal day and I was happy lady then.

Until I wasn’t.

DSCF4480DSCF4535

Perfect by Ed Sheeran was playing when we arrived at the resort. I was singing ” just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. and in your eyes you’re holding mine”. As I was singing the lyrics, I can hear familiar voices playing in the background while we were on a path with lighted hearts! ❤ ❤ ❤

And then I realized, it was a video of the people who are close and dear to me telling me to ‘SAY YES, JANNA’. ❤

DSC01867

Then there’s this perfect gazebo, a ‘MARRY ME’ plastered right smack in the middle of all our memories, full of our pictures, full of our time together, full of laughter, fights, pain and an overwhelming love for each other. ❤

My Jude thought about everything. He printed about 300 pictures, displayed it mixed with the fairy lights, roses and heart shaped candles. He even shipped everything from Manila and hired a videographer for the perfect proposal SDE. Perfect is an understatement.

A6501655A6501679

He told me things I cannot even remember. He probably told me he loved me. 😀 I honestly cannot remember. I spaced out. I was speechless, stunned and overwhelmed.

He got down on one knee, asked me to be his wife and there’s no other word in the universe I’d reply with than a big fat, screaming YES. ❤

DSCF4537

This is scary. This is exciting. This is beautiful.

I know how sacred and precious marriage is. We both are not perfect. We have flaws, we fight, we change but there are also moments that you teach me what unconditional love is. It will be messy at times but there will be perfect moments too. And I’m willing to share each and every moment with you.

You are my silver lining.

You are my Derek. You are my Ross. You are my Ted. You are my Jack.

You are everything good in life. You are my greatest blessing.

You are everything dear to me. You are my best friend.

I love you.

DSCF4547

Last October 27, I said my easiest ‘YES’.

Last October 27, I said yes to the man of my dreams.

Last October 27, I said yes to a lifetime with my person.

Last October 27, I got engaged.

Last October 27, I’m not only a happy lady but I became my happiest.

Last October 27, my heart is full and whole.

❤ ❤ ❤

 

P.S. Watch the SDE Proposal here

 

THOUGHTS: FIND A GUY


LRM_EXPORT_108050577109101_20181219_165525999

  1. Find a Guy who has the urgency to tell you everything
  2. Find a Guy who can’t sleep without you by his side.
  3. Find a Guy who will grab your waist and spin you to dance with no music.
  4. Find a Guy who is proud of you and ready to tell the world who you are to him.
  5. Find a Guy who introduces you to his family, friends and colleagues.
  6. Find a Guy who starts his morning by making you smile.
  7. Find a Guy who never forgets to say Good Morning or Good Night
  8. Find a Guy who makes you feel attractive.
  9. Find a Guy who makes you feel like you’re the only woman in the room.
  10. Find a Guy who makes sure you feel loved and respected.
  11. Find a Guy who will go to any lengths to take that IG-worthy photo of you.
  12. Find a Guy who makes you laugh so hard your tummies hurt.
  13. Find a Guy who you can have impromptu videoke road trips with.
  14. Find a Guy who will take you on surprise road trips.
  15. Find a Guy who never forgets to kiss you hello and see you later.
  16. Find a Guy who still gets excited when he gets to take you out on a date.
  17. Find a Guy who plans for exciting dates without being asked.
  18. Find a Guy who you can be quietly still with.
  19. Find a Guy who you can call when you murdered someone & plans to dump them in a river.
  20. Find a Guy who listens to you.
  21. Find a Guy who pays attention and remembers the little details about you.
  22. Find a Guy who gets the flavor that you want just so he can give you his when you still want more.
  23. Find a Guy who keeps his promises.
  24. Find a Guy who actually wants to bring you home because he wants you safe.
  25. Find a Guy who finds you hot and beautiful at the same time.
  26. Find a Guy who stimulates you intellectually.
  27. Find a Guy who knows you’re worthy of anything.
  28. Find a Guy who finds time to give you handwritten letters.
  29. Find a Guy who hugs you from the back just because he wants to be near you.
  30. Find a Guy who still tells you you’re beautiful and you can see he’s sincere not because it’s a sweet gesture.
  31. Find a Guy who kisses you mid sentence because it’s painful for him not to kiss you at that moment.
  32. Find a Guy who respects your opinion even if it contradicts his.
  33. Find a Guy who will discuss politics and religion with you.
  34. Find a Guy who thinks you’re attractive when you tell him about the book you’re reading.
  35. Find a Guy who puts perfect guys in novels to shame.
  36. Find a Guy who is in pain when he sees you crying.
  37. Find a Guy who kisses you hungrily because he thinks you’re hot and beautiful and extremely attractive.
  38. Find a guy who doesn’t lie.
  39. Find a guy who tries not to disappoint you.
  40. Find a guy who listens to what you want and what you don’t want.
  41. Find a guy who says sorry and doesn’t repeat his mistakes cause he knows how valuable your forgiveness is.
  42. Find a guy is more than happy to bring you along on barkada nights.
  43. Find a guy who willingly updates you his whereabouts, someone who doesn’t need to be asked.
  44. Find a guy who’s not afraid to try new things.
  45. Find a guy who can protect you, not the other way around, someone you feel safe with.

 

If more than half is missing, stay single. It will do you good.

MOVIE REVIEW: A BRILLIANT YOUNG MIND


3 months ago, my brother gave me a set of movies he downloaded.
This was one of them. I was eager to finish this set because I want new ones.

Anyway, the movie is about a prodigy kid who is inclined to being the Math Wiz.
His father died when he was a kid and as he grows older, it hunts him and it affects his relationship with his mother.
Being the self proclaimed Math Wiz that he is, he landed a place in the British Squad for the
International Mathematics Olympiad Competition.

z-000-film_series_(brilliant_young_mind)-sep10___Content

I felt that the movie was a bit dragging. The kid shows no emotion toward his mother
or to anyone. The ending reveals that he blocked any kind of emotions after his father died.
But as he progressed in the competition, he was able to meet several friends, a mentor and a girl.
Ha! Girls really have a significant effect on any man’s life, huh? (Thank you, Thank you).

Nathan: I think, I see the world differently to others.
Dad:       It’s all about adaptability, Nathan. Sometimes you have to change your shape, to fit in.

Overall, I wouldn’t really recommend this. Even on  a passing time.

THOUGHTS: How would you rate your success?


http://www.boredpanda.com/success-rating-social-experiment-video-strayer-university/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook

I’d say this is perfect at this point in time. I’m feeling frustrated and depressed and it’s good enough to know that I’m not the only one who feels like this. 😀

LEARN: Managing people you don’t like


20131105-224554.jpg

When you dislike an employee you might—consciously or not—mismanage him, treat him unfairly, or fail to see the real benefit he can deliver. To get the most out of someone you don’t like:

1. Learn how to handle your frustration. Don’t let your distaste show. Remain fair, impartial, and composed.
2. Check your bias. If you’re having trouble being fair, seek counsel from another manager who is familiar with the employee’s work. Ask whether your evaluation matches the outsider’s.
3. Keep an open mind. It might help to spend more time with the problem employee, perhaps by collaborating on a difficult task. Remember that perspectives change, and your favorite employee today might become your least favorite tomorrow.

Being nice to the people you don’t like is not being two faced. It’s called Growing Up.

MOVIE REVIEW: Before Midnight


There was a strong wind last night and a stormy rain to accompany me on the way home. So I was forced to stay in on a Friday night with some Cheese Curls and a bottle of Choco Baby while I watch Before Midnight.

Disclaimer: I haven’t watch the other two Movie Franchise before this. Before Sunset and Before Sunrise

Image                                                                I will just give some snippets from the movie, slogans and what I think of them.

Image

Her Grandmother’s advice? Not to be too consumed with Romantic Love – I used to believe in this. Well, I’d like to think that I am following this concept. To have your own identity and to have your own thing other than your Romantic Relationship with your partner. But I have to admit, I pretty much fall into the trap all the time. Not completely though. I once sacrificed my sports, my business and my friends. I don’t want to fall in that same hole again. It is important to have a whole other new world outside your relationship. I will work on this. 

We always think we’re evolving, but maybe we can’t change that much.

“He appears and he disappears, like a sunrise and sunset or anything so ephemeral. Just like our life.. we appear and disappear and we are so important to some, but we are just passing through.” – The way he describes her dead husband was heartbreaking, sad, magical and so full of love all at the same time. It’s heartbreaking how much she wants to remember every detail about his husband (the exact color of his lips, the exact shade of blue his eyes are, the wrinkles on his face). It’s fascinating how much love lasts even after so many years.

Image

Jessie: I have given you my whole life, okay? I got nothing more to give. I’m not giving it to anybody else. If you’re looking for permission to diss all of that, I’m not gonna give it to you, okay? I love you. And I’m not in conflict about it. But if what you want is like a laundry list of all what piss me off I could give it to you.
Celine: Yes, I want you to.
Jessie: Okay, well, let’s start with number one. OKay. Number one, you’re fucking nuts. You are. Goodluck finding someone else who can put up with your shit for more than six months. Okay? But I accept the whole package. The Crazy and the Brilliant. I know you’re not gonna change and I dont want you, it’s what you call accepting you for you.

Image

This is real life. The movie showed exactly how a couple may hate each others guts so much that they start resenting each other for some choices they made that may have changed the other person’s life. But that’s it. If you love the person, you have to admit all their flaws, all their mistakes, all their imperfections and all you have to do is work through it, with each other, together. 

Image

When we were young, We always wanted to grow up so fast so we can leave our parent’s house, have all the freedom that we want and do all the things that’ll lead us to greatness but then life happens and you can’t really turn back time. So while we are busy hoping for things, by the time we get there, we regret the things that we missed while we were busy hoping. 

The movie touched on so many topics. I will definitely watch the other two! Will keep you posted.

BOOK REVIEW : This is how you lose her – Junot Diaz


The truth is there ain’t no relationship in the world that doesn’t hit turbulence.

Even if you admit that she’s you heart, your everything. You cheat on her like the fucking cheating liar you really are.

When your girlfriend finds out that you boned someone else, it’s like a grenade. It detonates everything – past, present and future.

You try every trick in the book to keep her. You write her letters. And every hour like clockwork you say that you’re so sorry. You try it all, But one day she will simply sit up in bed and say, No more.

For awhile, you hunt the city. You phone her everyday and leave messages which she doesn’t answer. You write her long, sensitive letters, which she returned unopened. You even show up at her apartment at odd hours and at her job. You never see her again.

At first, you pretend it don’t matter. For a few weeks, you almost believe it. You run around around with the sluts like it’s the good old days, like nothing has happened. You’re feeling terribly guilty and terribly alone. You keep writing letters to her, waiting for the day that you can hand them to her. You also keep fucking everything that moves.

You end up being alone during holidays with no food, not with anyone. The ex, as you’re now calling her always cooked and set aside all the wings for you. You figure that’s as bad as it gets. A depression rolls over you, so profound you doubt there is a name for it. It feels like you’re being slowly pincered apart, atom by atom.

You stop doing almost everything. You try to describe it. Like someone flew a plane into your soul. Like someone flew two planes into your soul. Your little letters become more and more pathetic. ‘Please, please come back’.

You put all away the old pictures of her. No one will ever be like her. But you find yourself a girl anyway.

You want to turn over a new leaf. Takes you a bit – but you finally break clear and when you do, you feel lighter. You finally go on dates.

You get numbers but nothing you would take home to the family. You’re out all the time but no one seems to be biting. ”I think I need a break from the bitches”.

You take your break. You try to get back to your work. You start three novels. You get serious about your classes and you take up running. Every time you think about your EX, every time the loneliness rears up in you like seething, you tie on your shoes and run.

Out of nowhere, you call the ex, but of course she doesn’t pick you up. The fact that she doesn’t change her number gives you some strange hope.

You start doing push-ups and pull-ups and even some Yoga. You start having dinner with a couple of girls. You eventually erase her contact info from your phone but not the pictures of her in bed while she was naked and asleep.

Of course you dream about her. You want her to say your name, to touch you, but she doesn’t.

You want to move on. You work harder than you’ve ever worked at everything. You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the EX again. It doesn’t come.

There are surprises and there are surprises and then there is this. You didn’t think anything could hurt so bad. You are surprised at what a fucking chickenshit coward you are. It kills you to admit it but it’s true. How long does it usually take to get over it?

The day you decide it;s over, it’s over. You never get over it.

Our relationship wasn’t the sun, the moon and the stars, but it wasn’t bullshit either. A start is all we ever get.