THOUGHTS: Things I learned from my Ex


It’s 15 days before Heart’s Day and what better time to reflect on this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still working on several of the points below but every person that you meet, every bond you’ve created, every memory that you treasure speaks volume and if you look at it hard enough, you’ll see that these experiences are bound to teach you something.

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  • There’s a life outside the relationship.

My friends used to tell me that when I first had a relationship, I forgot about them and that I was completely imprisoned by the relationship. It’s important to spend time with your partner but it’s also as important to spend time outside of your relationship, whether it is to set aside time for your hobby, spend a quiet time with your family, see your friends or whatever it is you like to do. Do it. Your partner is not your entire world. 

  • Learn to trust.

It may be difficult for someone who had an experience before, but your past is not your partner’s fault. If you love the person, trust that he will never hurt you intentionally just as you would not with him.

  • If you are truly important, he’ll wait.

Okay, this one. . . It’s a given. I was in High School. I was known for having the strictest parents alive. I had a school bus service in the morning and in the afternoon. Unlike the other students, I don’t get to socialize and go home whenever I want to. I can only socialize until a given time but I still had to ride with my bus. This certain suitor told me bluntly that the reason he stopped courting me was because I couldn’t get out of the house whenever he pleases. If he cares, if you’re important to him, he’ll spend time wherever you are, even if it’s just inside your house. 

  • Endings can mean a start something great.

It has to be. And that’s the only feasible explanation. God takes away a person because he has someone better for us. ❤ My marriage proves it. ❤ I am in a way, WAY better relationship now.

  • Appreciate the small things

You know how before it was taught to us that God appreciates the Php 10 from a beggar than a Php 1,000,000 from a Billionaire? It’s because the beggar gave everything he has. I was in a relationship before where my someone had to literally skip lunch and drink water from the cafeteria instead for a month to save Php 400 pesos to buy me a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts because she couldn’t save enough money to buy me cake? And honestly, it melted my heart. It’s really the small things that matter, the effort the other person gives. 

  • When you love someone, tell it to them. 

Life is short! If you feel it, tell it to them. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s okay. If they do, then great! Never miss a chance just because you fear rejection. 

From one of my most loved series and characters, ”If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there”. – Mark Sloan

  • Never tolerate infidelity

Infidelity is breaking that sacred bond you have with your partner. A commitment is a commitment for a reason. I used to be in a semi-relationship with a guy that started when he had a girlfriend. He broke it off with her to be with me. But I realized, how will I be able to trust him to be completely faithful when I know for a fact what he’s capable of? Second Chances for infidelity is still a no for me. But it depends on your values in life.

  • Never pretend someone you’re not

This is pretty simple. If I pretend to obsess over football just because the guy I like loves football — Can I imagine myself pretending to watch football for the years to come? No. just be yourself. If you eat a LOT, eat a mouthful on your first date! Don’t starve yourself. Guys likes girls who are not as skinny as a skeleton! The relationship will lasts longer if you both feel comfortable with each other. 

  • Communication is key

I used to be one of those girls who would throw a tantrum out of nowhere. (I AM, rather) I have not been able to remedy this yet. HAHA. but most often than not, your significant others are not a mind reader. Sometimes, they have absolutely no idea what they did wrong so they will continue to do exactly that. For example, If I was scrolling my feed and I saw my husband liked his ex’s or his crush’s picture — I will  not mind him and I will intentionally be difficult. I won’t say anything. But, for him not to do that again, I will have to tell him how it made me feel so that he understands. (but this is me, still a work in progress though). Tell your someone how you feel. It’s better to express it than to hide it in the long run. 

  • Not one of my past is a mistake. 

People will come and go, whether it may be your partner or your friend. If a relationship failed, it may be that someone better will come along or that person or the relationship is meant to teach you something. Maybe your ex brought you back to your passion, maybe your ex helped you bloom, maybe your ex taught you to dance, maybe your ex opened you to a new world, etc. Maybe your past made you realize that everything has its reason and should be seen as an experience to learn from. 

LEARN: The 3 P’s of Survival


I came across this article on facebook and is definitely worth sharing. It’s level of reference and ‘relatability’ is high.

COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS OF SHERYL SANDBERG

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  • when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void — or in the face of any challenge — you can choose joy and meaning.
  • The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days — the times that challenge you to your very core — that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.

 

  1. Personalization  – the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover — and even to thrive.
  2. Pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.There is more to life than your grief. The world keeps on revolving.
  3. Permanence – the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.

 

think about how much worse things could be.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.find that gratitude — not just on the good days, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.

I hope that you live your life — each precious day of it — with joy and meaning. I hope that you walk without pain — and that you are grateful for each step.

And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow. You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it. In that process you will figure out who you really are — and you just might become the very best version of yourself.

THOUGHTS: Messing things up.


The Artidote

“You know, I always thought, ‘Man, I hope I don’t mess this up.’ Because that’s what I do; I mess things up. But you know what I never thought? I never thought ‘I hope this doesn’t mess me up.’”—Unknown

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I saw this on facebook, and i thought, ‘woah’. That happens more than we can consciously remember.

MOVIE REVIEW: BEST OF ME


Think of it as the Notebook with a very minimal twist but with the same gruesome ending. As others have observed, you can always expect someone dead by the end of the story if it was written by Nicholas Sparks.

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Okay, so same with the Notebook, the movie Best of Me is a love story that started out as two high school students fell in love with each other, the lady grew up in a wealthy family, the boy in a troubled family. The wealthy father offers a sum of money to the boy to leave his daughter because poor, troubled boys do not mix well with their rich, sophisticated daughters. The dismay and disapproval of the parents was carried by the daughters until the girl finally has another life. Boy meets Girl again after several years and they both tried to relive the love that was abandoned. They live on a fantasy temporarily, went back to their present life and then some tragedy happens at the end.

So what do I like about the movie?

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  1. The girl was wearing nothing but dresses.
  2. The girl was the first one to make a move. – and it’s not so bad. Why do people judge a girl who makes the first move and call her out as promiscuous? Double Standards again.
  3. Dates are always involves nature and not malls or technology.—unlike today’s time where watching movies in big theatre malls with lazy boys was a thing. (as in the movie, afternoons would be spending time at the park, oversee the lake, cook dinner, dance in the livingroom or just talk in the bench outside the house)
  4. They have a secret spot above the water storage tank, and it’s their world and just theirs alone.
  5. The kindness and generous accommodation of the old man to strangers to the point of providing for his shelter, clothing, allowance and an abundance of love.
  6. The IT girl finally was in her right mind to finally be attracted to a man who has brains and not just some jock.

and what are the quote worthy lines?

  1. “That’s why I loved being with you. We could do the simplest things, like toss starfish into the ocean and share a burger and talk and even then I knew that I was fortunate. Because you were the first guy who wasn’t constantly trying to impress me. You accepted who you were, but more than that, you accepted me for me. And nothing else mattered– not my family or your family or anyone else in the world. It was just us.”
  2. Don’t take my advice. Or anyone’s advice. Trust yourself. For good or for bad, happy or unhappy, it’s your life, and what you do with it has always been entirely up to you.
  3. “Life was messy. Always had been and always would be and that was just the way it was, so why bother complaining? You either did something about it or you didn’t, and then you lived with the choice you made
  4. There’s a lot of magic between you too, ain’t no denying that. And magic makes forgettin’ hard.
  5. I want to wake up with you beside me in the mornings. I want to spend my evenings looking at you across the dinner table. I want to share every mundane detail of my day with you and hear every detail of yours. I want to laugh with you and fall asleep with you in my arms.
  6. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt as happy as I did that day, but then again, it was always like that when we were together. I never wanted it to end
  7. The truth is, the world isn’t easy for any of us. It never has been and it never will be.
  8. Everyone makes mistakes, even if some are worse than others. Accidents happen
  9. but then life had a way of stamping out that intensity of passion; she’d learned all too well that love wasn’t always enough.
  10. “You’ll make mistakes and struggle like everyone, but when you are with the right person, you’ll almost perfect joy, like you are the luckiest person who ever lived. And that means you’ll love and be loved…and in the end, nothing else really matters.
  11. Now it was coming to an end, and it was like he was watching the last flicker of light wink out in the darkness of an endless tunnel.
  12. memories are funny things. Sometimes they’re real, but other times they change into what we want them to be.

This though is one of the feel-good movies when you just want to curl in the couch and eat some popcorn on a lazy weekend. 😀

MOVIE REVIEW: LUCY


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Life was given to us a billion years ago. What have we done with it?

The major premise of this movie is that humans only us a small percentage of our brain.
Apparently, according to the movie, a certain drug, CPH-4 (what women produces on her sixth month of childbirth as a source of nutrients for the fetus) will be able to unlock a person’s brain 100%.

So it’s merely a myth. A widespread cliche of a myth.
And now I wonder, how much of my brain am I actually using?
If I am actively using a 100% of my brain, I would want to hear other people’s thoughts be able to create a masterpiece or read a whole book in 10 seconds and memorize it. I’d want to control my body and my feelings. I would want to be able to lift heavy objects or have the perfect skin and hair.

But all these things that we want to undo, it makes us human. It is our ability to make mistake, to cry, to trump on small stones along the way, it makes us all grow.

If everyone has the ability of being a limitless God, a person who seems to unlock a 100% of its brain, then we wouldn’t appreciate anything at all anymore. If everyone is able to hear other people’s thoughts, then we won’t listen to that person anymore, or
what he/she has to say. One won’t even have privacy and there’s no use of communicating with each other and interacting with one another. If everyone has the ability to create a masterpiece of an art, then it wouldn’t be called a masterpiece in the first place. If everyone can read a book in 10 seconds, who would appreciate the delicate words of the author? who would smell the scent of the book’s pages? how can a person imagine one’s self in between those pages? If I am able to control my feelings, then who would choose to feel pain? If no one feels pain, how can anyone know if they’re feeling excited, or nervous, or happy? If everyone has the perfect skin and hair, how can you appreciate other people’s beauty?

These things that makes us human, makes us grow as a person. and that is worth the roller coaster ride of human life here on earth.