BOOK REVIEW: Dear Heart, I Hate you by J. Sterling


You could meet a thousand people and they’d all mean nothing to you. But then you’d meet that one and they suddenly meant everything.

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GOODREADS: I didn’t plan on him. Or for him. Or anything that had to do with Cal Donovan from Boston. Meeting him had been a complete and utter surprise, taking me one hundred percent off guard. I met new people every single day in my line of work and none of them affected me.

This is going to be brutally honest. – I absolutely did not like the book! There was no depth. I am definitely not a fan of Insta-love and I obviously do not believe in such. Maybe that’s why I hated this. If you’re looking for a growth in character then maybe this one is for you, how two workaholics who did not believe in love suddenly fell in love.

But no. I don’t get it. There’s no build up. No twists. No major setback. It was just an on-going and continuous LDR where the plot is fairly predictable. I did not fell in love with ANY of the characters. I did not feel the love or longing from both Cal and Jules.

Nothing. No emotion.

  • When did making yourself a priority become such a horrible thing?
  • Those lips. They’ll be my ruin.
  • It was heartbreaking when you recognize that moment when pieces of your reality turned into memories.
  • I’m not even all the way in and you already feel like home.
  • Her beauty rivaled her brain. She was a double threat.
  • Who we loved wasn’t always a choice. Sometimes it was an irresistible pull, a gravitational force, something we couldn’t see or control that drew us toward one another.

I’m utterly disappointed. I saw how one of my favorite authors, Coho praised this book. And that is exactly the reason why I gave this book a chance but my oh my… I was wrong.

BOOK REVIEW: Unwritten Letters to You by T.B Laberge


GOODREADS: Unwritten Letters to You is a collection of writings ranging from heartbreak to longing for love. Within each page comes the words that are often so hard to speak, and with each chapter you will find that blood can be turned to ink.

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WOW. JUST WOW. Everything you may have been feeling? It’s in here. I am happily married but I can also easily relate to the words of a person who has been left behind, cheated on or in the personality of someone who is searching for a person to love.

  • I’m still looking for that smile, that wink, or maybe it’ll just be a sigh that will set my world on fire. Whatever it is, I’m still looking for it.
  • I fear that I will love someone that will always be the wind to my sails, pushing me on but never staying.
  • What if? What if my love and desire for you broke through the doubts that cling to me? What if I chose to love you even in the prospect of the unknown?
  • I wanted to be a forever, but I was only a moment.
  • You were alive before they came around, so don’t let them stop you from living again. Just because they didn’t want you doesn’t mean you are unwanted. Just because they didn’t want forever with you, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a forever. Just because love wasn’t written for you both doesn’t mean your life is written with any less love.
  • You are more than the marks left on your soul, more than the tears of a broken heart, you are a soul that is eternal.
  • You must not reduce yourself to a puddle just because the person you like is afraid to swim and you are a fierce sea to them. Because there will be someone who was born with love of the waves within their blood, and they will look at you with fear and respect.
  • Love is saying I do, even when you feel like you don’t.
  • If you are happy, then I’m happy. If you’re sad, then I’m sad. Because it’s not about whether or not I fix you. It’s about me, being here and sharing the weight of these moments with you. I fight beside you, because that is love. It’s sharing the struggles, the joys and love we have. It’s about walking this life together and I want you there for as long as possible.

Damn, is he good with words! You can feel the passion, love, longing and sadness with every word he’s written. A must read!

BOOK REVIEW: Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow


GOODREADS: Charlotte Davis is in pieces. At seventeen she’s already lost more than most people lose in a lifetime. But she’s learned how to forget. The broken glass washes away the sorrow until there is nothing but calm. Every new scar hardens Charlie’s heart just a little more, yet it still hurts so much. It hurts enough to not care anymore, which is sometimes what has to happen before you can find your way back from the edge.

Honestly, it took me longer than I expected. It’s not a light read and to put it out there, this book and the story can be a trigger for those with history of self harm, depressed or any suicidal thoughts.

Spoiler Alert? At seventeen years old, Charlie wakes up in Creeley, a rehab center for women who self-harm. Her father committed suicide by drowning himself, her mother gave up on her, her best friend, a fellow cutter is brain dead, she lived on the street, got sold for sex and her only friend who she likes only wanted to be friends.

I learned that talking really helps and it goes both ways. It’s important to talk to someone. Don’t keep whatever hatred or tension or sadness pent up. Lend an ear. Offer to listen to. People around you may be struggling too. Always be kind, a little kindness goes a long way. We never really know what battles other people are fighting everyday.

This is also the reason why I feel like I need to highlight Michael, Ariel, Linus and Felix. They are such a ray of sunshine in Charlie’s recovery. It’s nice how Mikey offered to help right off the bat, after not being in touch for so long. The lives of Michael and Linus also showed hope that things do get better and people get better. Michael has been sober and is living his best life. He realized he was tired of all the nonsense. Ariel! She’s what everyone needs! A mother figure to knock some sense in all of us. Don’t you think? Linus also told Charlie that she still struggles all the time and that sometimes, she just needs to wait it out. Felix, on the other hand has been helping Charlie on keeping busy and helping her translate all her feelings into paper.

Just one bit about Riley though – I loved his gift. You know how you need not tell the person what you like because he sees you? He watches you and knows what you want, what’s important to you and all? Like how Riley gave her this art book because he saw how her eyes sparkled when she was looking at this particular book.

I’m also happy with the way things ended. It should not always be a happy love story. It’s nice that Charlie is getting her shit together and that she did not llet Riley’s on stage performance affect her progress. And Oh! I also need to discuss Blue’s significant part on Charlie’s recovery. She was consistently there for her, making her feel at home, having someone to come home to, to talk to after work, someone who actually wants to be with you and appreciates your company – and I must say, it’s such a huge impact on Charlie’s confidence and mental health.

It’s not an easy read because it was so raw and honest. The author clearly depicts how the mind of a cutter runs. It’s so sad and I felt so lonely in some parts of the book. It tackles about hope, loneliness, self-harm and belonging – which everyone can relate to. This book opens you to a whole new world of understanding.

It’s such a help. Reading this book tells you that you are not alone and it’s so good to know that other people are experiencing this too, and maybe, just sometimes – that is enough, to know that someone else is feeling those too.

  • I’m so lonely in the world I want to peel all of my flesh off and walk, just bone and gristle.
  • I cut because I cut. It’s as simple as that. I need release. I need to hurt myself more than the world can hurt me, and then I can comfort myself. Hurting yourself makes you feel better. That somehow you can rid yourself of pain by causing yourself pain.
  • You don’t know what it feels like to every day, every fucking day, be so lonely that this black hole inside is going to swallow you down.
  • The moral of the story Charlie is this, don’t let the cereal eat you. It’s only a fucking box of cereal, but it will eat you alive if you let it.
  • You own all of yourself, Charlie. Every last bit.
  • Everything and everybody that’s busted can be fixed.
  • The world hurts enough. Why fucking chase it down?
  • Sometimes you have to let stuff go if you want to move forward, you know?
  • How can you live in fear of your very self?
  • Stuff happens. You just gotta keep on truckin.
  • Everybody you meet is like a little mirror of you.
  • Cutting is a fence you build upon your own body to keep people out but then you cry to be touched. But the fence is barbed. What then?
  • You be you, Charlie. You be you.
  • We have to choose who we want to be, not let the situation choose us.

EVERYDAY: Our Wedding (Bride’s Vows)


November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤

Documenting this here so I can read it over and over and over again and be reminded of my commitment to my husband.

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”8 years ago, I walked into BOC looking to start my career. Instead, I met the man I was going to marry.

Bab, thank you for always braving the Saturday El Shaddai just to bring me home. Thank you for giving me your chicken skin, knowing I hate the white portion. Thank you for always giving me the last bite of our sizzling tofu.

Thank you for always supporting me & pushing me to be my best, especially when I don’t believe in myself. Thank you for trusting that I can do more. I promise I’ll always be here to support you whether you want to pursue law or try out your singing career. Thank you for never making me feel less for all my shortcomings & lastly, Thank you for enduring the boy – jojo tandem. (Everybody knows how strict my parents are).

I don’t know where life will take us but I promise that we’ll get through anything as long as we face them together. I promise not just to be your wife but to continue being your bestfriend. I promise to hear you out life a friend even in your ugliest & work it out as your wife.

I know marriage won’t always be a happy ending. There will be days we can’t bear to be with each other. I know that we will have to work on our relationship every single day, but it will be easy knowing it’s with you. I know that both of us will change but I promise to love not just the person that you are now but the person that you will become, no matter how different you may be. If I have to wake up 40 years from now and see a bald fat guy, I want it to be with you, double chin & all.

I promise not to give up on us & to do everything to make our marriage work. I promise not to run when things get hard. I promise I’ll stay even when you’re annoying as hell. I promise to love you when it’s easy & even more when it’s not. Most importantly, I promise to still hold you hand even when you wear crocs in public.

Baba, I’m not sure if you remember. But 5 years ago, I wrote a blog about you. It says,

Someday, I want to experience freaking out of wedding details. I want to argue with you what flowers should go inside the church, or what color of tux should you wear, who our ring bearer is, the color of our invitation, what our theme song is, what flavor our wedding cake will be or what band should we hire. I want to take hundreds of prenuptial pictures with you. I want to attend a wedding rehearsal and not be scared that you might flip out because I am aware of how much you love me. Someday, I want to have hundreds and thousands of butterflies in my stomach not because I’m nervous but because I am full of excitement to finally be called your wife. I want to wear a sparkling fantasy shoes because I’ve already met my prince charming. An intelligent-charming-handsome lawyer slash banker slash archaeologist prince charming. I want to feed you our cake and let you drink wine knowing that I will be doing it for the rest of our lives. Lastly, I want to walk down the aisle perfectly happy knowing that all of my dreams are waiting for me, ready to take my hand and exchange vows in front of god and in front of our families and friends. I want to walk down the aisle and say I do to the man of my dreams. 

Today, baba, I get to fulfill that dream, that blog I wrote 5 years ago. Today, I’ll be your wife. I love you baba. I can’t wait to take on life with you.

EVERYDAY: Our Wedding (Groom’s Vows)


November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤

Documenting this here so I can read it over and over and over again.

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‘Babe, Our story is about unexpected love. We did not want each other at first. Me, thinking that you are the typical party girl who is not my type and your impression of me was that I am a grumpy nerd who hates everyone who cannot understand what is being discussed. 

I can’t remember exactly when but I started to fall for you. You have a very lovable attitude – very compassionate, caring and sympathetic. 

I fell so immensely I had to pursue you even if you were pushing me away. Parang may spell. And because of patience and perseverance, napasagot kita. I was very lucky and blessed to have you as my girlfriend. 

Sabi ko ikaw na yung gusto ko makasama habambuhay. Sabi nila, very rare yung ganun bu that’s how I saw it from the inital stages of our relationship – wife material. 

Wala tayong madramang story na nag-break tapos nagkabalikan or iniwan tapos narealize, mahal pala niya. OUR LOVE STORY IS VANILLA. But it is your favorite ice cream flavor. We were able to know each other and talk about things nang mahinahon. 

We handled our relationship with maturity kahit na minsan hilig mong mang-away. Iniitindi natin yung isa’t isa, yung feelings nang isa’t isa. Wala na akong mahihiling pa for a partner in life. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko makasama, babe. Ikaw lang yung gusto ko nandiyan sa successes & failures ko. Ikaw yung gusto ko makinig pag nagrant ako. Lagi ko sinasabi, I cannot see my future without you. 

THIS IS IT MAHAL. Wala na yung mahabang ma-traffic na bbyahe pag maghahatif and pag-antay mo na makauwi ako bago tayo matulog. Magkasama na tayo pag-uwi kapag may party or inuman, pwede na tayo mag-travel together, magluto nang baon for each other and maglinis at mag-ayos nang sarili nating bahay. 

I will do everything to make our marriage God-driven, meaningful and strong. Please remember na mahal na mahal kita. Whenever there are tough times, let us always choose to be with each other and love each other. 

I am so happy to be with you and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with you. 

I love you

NSG. ” 

EVERYDAY: Our Wedding (Groom: The Pre-Wedding)


November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤

GROOM: When she was still my fiancée, my wife would (once-in-a-while) ask me “When did you know / decide that you will marry me?” and I would always answer that I already knew it when I started to woo her. And she would not believe that. But it is true. I did not pursue her just to fool around. I pursued her because I wanted to be committed to her.

I proposed on October 27, 2018 in Coron, Palawan and we decided to get married (more or less) a year after the proposal. We planned our wedding date to coincide with our first date which was on November 18 but it would fall on a Monday so we decided to move it on the nearest Saturday which was on November 16. One of the mistakes that we did was to book a reception venue first before a Church. However, we already paid a non-refundable fifty thousand peso advance payment for the reception so there is really no choice but to just pick any Church for our wedding. I searched for every near church in the area but to no avail so I looked for farther Churches located in Batangas (Caleruega and Chapel on the Hill) for a weekend date. Caleruega’s 2PM schedule was fully booked until 2020. Luckily, I was able to find a free Sunday slot in Chapel on the Hill. I remember driving from my house in Sta. Ana, Manila to Chapel on the Hill in Batanagas just to reserve the available date (November 24, 2019). Consequently, we also had to change the date with our venue coordinator.

After those two major suppliers were booked, everything went by so fast. There were too many discussions and problems which came thru but my wife and I solved it by talking properly. We did not want to involve our parents so much since we wanted them to just attend the ceremony and not worry much about it.

One month before the wedding, we felt exhausted because of all the errands and the work that we should do. I just wanted everything to get done. I was already thinking of the days after the wedding (sana matapos na). 

We checked-in in our hotel on November 23, 2019 (a day before the wedding) so our families could still rest and chill before our busy day.  There was a forecasted bad weather on our wedding day so I could not relax. I was very anxious since I did not want our day to be ruined by a storm. We worked hard and sacrificed a lot just to have the BEST wedding.

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I woke up at 6am on November 24, 2019. The first thing I did was to look outside and thanked God for a blue sky. The weather was fair until the time that we had to go to the Church. It rained when my family and I were being transported to the Church. The rain was so hard. I was pissed and sad but I just prayed and I tried to be calm. Our coordinator was very helpful calming me. 

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My husband is wearing a really dark emerald suit, dark brown tie, shoes and belt. 

The room assigned to my husband is a lot bigger than mine. All of his entourage can fit inside the house. ❤ I’m pretty sure they are watching him and our PV team while they were shooting him here. 😀

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Yep! We pick GOOOOODD. ❤ It’s the watch I gave him for this 25th birthday! Our minimalist white marble invitation and the perfume I gave him too as a Christmas gift before. Since then, he’s been using the scent. ❤

It’s his siblings helping him straighten his tie and close his suit, dashing as ever. ❤

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WOAHHHHH. HANDSOME ALERT. ❤ 

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Our PV team had a fun time. Our hotel made it easy for them to shoot. ❤

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To officially introduce our groom squad. here’s the 3 of his siblings as his bestmen, 2 of the husbands of my close friends, his high school bestfriend and his cousin. My brother and his first cousins as our Secondary Sponsor.

Our groom squad is all wearing a black suit and black shoes. We all gave them neckties that will match with our bride squad. ❤

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We are surrounded with greenery and fresh air, complimenting and emphasizing the beautiful day of our union. ❤

Mr. Darcy in real life! I married this man. ❤

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And boys, being boys. They had to start the day with a shot of alcohol. Uhm hello? You’ll be marrying me.  What do you need the alcohol for? 😛

And with a shot of Jack Daniels, off they go to the church, while the groom stays to have a photo with his family. ❤

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Lastly, here’s my dashing groom opening my gift: A bunch of adventures and dates. ❤

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Bride to Groom: ‘My love, My life, My All – Baba we never have to miss another seat sale again! I love you so much. To more red eye flights, road trips, trying out hole in the wall restaurants, hopping to 1 hotel to the other. DATE DAY is all on! I can’t wait. I love love love you! ❤ ”

Groom to Bride: ‘Hi Mahal! I bought this property in 2016 para tirhan natin! Please receive the main keys for our condominium! Excited to spend our time together here. I-design and mag netflix and chill. I love you! See you sa altar! ”

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BOOK REVIEW: The Sun is also a Star by Nicola Yoon


GOODREADS: Natasha: I’m a girl who believes in science and facts. Not fate. Not destiny. Or dreams that will never come true. My family is twelve hours away from being deported to Jamaica. Falling in love with him won’t be my story.

Daniel: I’ve always been the good son, the good student, living up to my parents’ high expectations. Never the poet. Something about Natasha makes me think that fate has something much more extraordinary in store—for both of us.

The Universe: Every moment in our lives has brought us to this single moment. A million futures lie before us. Which one will come true?

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Do not mistake me for being a realist or cold hearted. I’m not. I like reading love stories and happy endings. BUT christ, SPARE ME LOVE AT FIRST SIGHTS or INSTALOVE. Who believes in those shit? You meet a stalker and you let him hold you in the hand, not even an hour after bumping into the guy? Jeez. Call it attraction instead! Now that! – that’s possible! Lust too. You don’t just decide to spend the whole day and let that person tag a long.

But that’s not love! Love is knowing the person inside and out, loving all the flaws, all the horrible things and dark secrets the other person has – something you’ll discover, observe and experience through time. It’s not answering questions all day, having conversations with a stranger and trusting your whole life with that person so quickly!

We all have moments! The feeling of endorphins rising up, the feeling of excitement in getting to know someone, the jitters of ‘new’ love. but moments? moments pass. That’s not love.

How about the character of Natasha? Now her – she’s cold-hearted and so unattached with everything, every emotion and everyone else. She doesn’t believe in anything or anyone except Science. She relies on science to explain everything that’s been happening around her.

And Daniel? Gad. Sure, he is sweet and says all the right things a guy can say at the right time. But don’t you think he’s too much? He’s too emotional and passionate and he practically associates everything with fate and heart and feelings. HAHA. probably exactly how a poet should be characterized. But I wouldn’t want to date someone like him.

And let me just mention the Atty. He actually thinks he met Hannah too late? WHO DOES THAT? If you fuckin love your wife and kids, where would you even find the time to fall in love with someone else? What does he mean by he met hannah too late? Does it mean he regrets his life with his family? WHY? WHY? Stupid men who thinks they have multiple hearts, thinking they can love several women at the same time. just, assholes. Why don’t you just spend the time nurturing your relationship with your family? Make yourself deserving of your family!

What I do liked about this book is that there are snippets of chapters where you learn about trivial things such as Why Korean – American families typically own Black Hair Care stores in New York, Dark Matter, the grandfather paradox, the theory of multiverses and Scientific experiments too.

PLUS, Daniel’s monologue when he finally told Natasha that the Atty couldn’t do anything? It’s the best!

The book also tackles the struggles and the issues of undocumented immigrants, broken dreams, cultural diversions, parent’s expectations, hope, fate and relationships between family members.

  • COPACETIC – in excellent order
  • MUTABLE – liable to change
  • ERUDITE – showing great knowledge
  • Where did all those feelings go? People spend their whole lives looking for love. But how can you trust somethings that can end as suddenly as it begins?
  • All your future histories can be destroyed in a single moment.
  • Are we really supposed to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives?
  • Sometimes the truth can hurt more than you expect.
  • She smiles so big that I know that whatever happens will be worth it.
  • Who are we if not a product of our parents and their histories?
  • It’s not up to you to help other people fit you into a box.
  • Growing up and seeing your parent’s flaws is like losing your religion.
  • You are never out of options.
  • We think we want all the time in the world with the people we love, but maybe what we need is the opposite. Just a finite amount of time, so we still think the other person is interesting.
  • Some people exist in your life to make it better. Some people exist to make it worse.
  • They have a sense that the length of a day is mutable, and you can never see the end from the beginning. They have a sense that love changes all things all the time.

Overall, story narration is ‘kay. I like reading short chapters too. I just didn’t like the wholeness of the story. I would not recommend reading this book but I’d give Nicola Yoon another chance. I’m open to reading Everything, Everything. ❤