My Love, My Life, My All


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Someday, I want to experience freaking out of wedding details. I want to argue with you what flowers should go inside the church, or what color of tux should you wear, who our ring bearer is, the color of our invitation, what our theme song is, what flavor our wedding cake will be or what band should we hire. I want to take hundreds of prenuptial pictures with you. I want to attend a wedding rehearsal and not be scared that you might flip out because I am aware of how much you love me and that you won’t do anything to hurt me. I want to experience arguing with you on the number of our guests. I want to attend marriage seminars and know perfectly that we are for each other.

Someday, I want to have hundreds and thousands of butterflies in my stomach not because I’m nervous but because I am full of excitement to finally be called your wife. I want to wake up glowing of joy and pure happiness knowing the day has finally come. I want to wear make-up on that day because that’ll be the last day that I will need it because with you, I am reminded that I don’t need to wear one every day. I want to wear the most beautiful and perfect white gown (and you know how much I love whites) and know that it will be the gown that will mark the start of my ever after with you. I want to wear a sparkling fantasy shoes because I’ve already met my prince charming. An intelligent-charming-handsome lawyer slash banker slash archaeologist prince charming. I want to experience having my smile overused because of all the people who wants to immortalize our special day. I want to feed you our cake and let you drink wine knowing that I will be doing it for the rest of our lives. Lastly, I want to walk down the aisle perfectly happy knowing that all of my dreams are waiting for me, ready to take my hand and exchange vows in front of god and in front of our families and friends. I want to walk down the aisle and say I do to the man of my dreams.

Someday, I’d want to finally and truly scream, ‘Honey I’m home’ when I come home to you. I want to go home really early and bring home food from my bistro or cook loya with a very crispy bangus. I’d want to welcome you and wait for you at the door. I want to untie your shoes and give you a little foot massage before bringing you your slippers. I want to unbutton your polo and hand you fresh clothes. I want to welcome you with pasalubong food when I have late meetings and you’re home early so you’d know I still think of you when I’m out. I want to have regular weekend adventures with you. I’d want to implement Wednesday as our date days or Saturday as naked butt day. I want to argue with you when you left the toilet seat up and have make-up sex after. I want to scold you when you purposely leave your dirty clothes on the floor and not on our laundry room. I want to wake up early in the morning to cook you breakfast every day. I want to cook bacon or pancakes and waffles with juice or your favorite brewed coffee. I want you to wake up with a table full of breakfast food. I want to take long bubble baths with you on Fridays or just because you had a long day at the court. I want to give you massage when I find you seated at your home office. I want to hug you from the back of your neck when I see that you’re thinking too much. I want to make you coffee late at night and wait for you to finish work. I want to hold your hand while we’re both reading our own books in bed and kiss you randomly that’ll turn into something else in some days. I want to secretly place small gifts on the compartment of your car or in your sock drawer. I want to make kiss marks on our bathroom mirror. I want to be the one who irons your clothes. I want to smell your scent when I wake up in the morning. I want to bring you milk when you’re about to go to bed. I want to cook champorado during rainy season and watch DVDs with you all day. I want to be the one to make you drink water and take care of you when you come home a little bit too drunk. I want to call your law office and tell the assistant, ‘yes, this is his wife’. I want to prepare merienda like suman or nutella breads on weekdays. I want to bake cookies and brownies that you can bring to your office. I want to be the one to prepare your veggie shake after our visit to the doctor and he tells us your sugar is too high. I want to stay home na dtake care of you full time when you’re not feeling well. I want to be able to tell you when you’re being an ass and kiss you to let you know that I still love you.

Someday, I will want to harass you to get me dalandan at 3 in the morning or look for mango caramels of cebu.  I want to take documentary changes of my body as our twins are growing inside of me. I want to experience having your lips so near my belly just because you are talking to our babies. I want to look around the mall tirelessly looking for baby stuff. I want to ask you repeatedly if I’m getting fat and hear you say that I still look the same even if I gained 10 pounds. I want to be stressed out of working out because I’m trying to lose my pregnancy fats after I give birth to our twins. I want you to be there to tell me I still look pretty even though I haven’t taken a bath for a week because the doctor says so. I want to tell you ‘Babe, my water just broke. We’re going to have a baby’. I want to hold your hand when it feels like the world is ripping me apart. I want to be with you during our baby’s first cry. I want you to be there to hold her. I want to be with you when we realize that our lives have changed. I want to know that you are with me to raise our child.

Someday, I want to kick your back at 2 in the morning because it’s your turn to get the twin’s milk. I want to laugh with you when we smell her poop during our family sundate. I want to experience having group baths as I hold him and you hold her. I want to hear you singing along Disney cartoons just because they like it. I want to watch you taste gerber food because you’re showing our kids that it tastes good even if it isn’t. I want to wipe the sweat from your head because you’re already tired from carrying them around the whole mass. I want to be able to tell them not to play with your papa’s shoelaces. I want to fight with you whether they said mama or papa first. I want to take loads of pictures because we have two angels added in our family. I want to argue with you of who’s turn it is to change their diapers. I want to laugh with you of how we’re going to tell our children about flowers and bees or Santa Claus and Tooth Fairies.

Someday, I want to come home with a box of pizza and find you teaching our kids Math Problems on the dining table. I want to bring home beers and juices on a Friday Night and watch movies with our kids on our Home Theatre. I want to laugh so loudly when our little boy manages to imitate you by writing a mustache on his face and wears a suit and tie because he want s to grow up exactly like you. I want to wake up early in the morning to prepare the kid’s baon and a healthy meal for my handsome husband lawyer. I want to listen intently when you preach our baby girl not to wear skimpy clothes when she grows up. I want us to visit their room every night to tell them a story or simply kiss them goodnight after a long day. I want to wake up on Sunday mornings only to find out   the kids have prepared the newspaper and the coffee so we can all stay in the bed.

I love you beyond anything words can come up with. 

 

THOUGHTS: Love Letter (June 2013)


What a year it has been for us! You have filled almost two years of my life with so much pain and heartaches but most of all, happiness for coming into my life. We are the definition of love & therefore it includes both the good times and the bad.

There were shorter than 12-hour breakups, misunderstandings and non-sense fights. There were rants and moments of isolation. There were tears and meeting the parents – scene, career meltdowns, beating me in badminton, movie releases and dining out. We’ve come a long way down a strange and sweet road since then.

It warms my heart to look back and see how much storms and stresses we have endured together.

We must never forget the countless nights and days I’ve cried myself to sleep because of work and wondering what got me through them? I pulled my strength from you. You have been so wonderful, my Jude, all throughout those dark and lonely times. When I needed love, understanding and encouragement, you brought it to me.

There is pride and also gratitude when you call me yours. There is pride that, yes. You picked me out of the thousand other prettier and smarter people than I. And yet, you picked me above all my flaws and imperfections. And for that, I am grateful more than I can show you.

I love you beyond the classic hit song and the greatest poem that which I cannot write.

I would live in an abyss, a desert and a world full of darkness if I ever lost you, a colorless and meaningless existence. So bid me farewell, never for I will do anything to never lose your heart and even chase you in all the ends of the world for your love.

There’s nothing in the world that I want but you – your attention, love, companion and loyalty. But most of all, your precious and most endearing love.

In every beautiful place, I wish you were there. Never leave my side, I plead.

I can’t help loving you more than what it is good for me. So please hurt me never intentionally. And treat my heart with care.

I miss you, always. And just imagine the ache of it all when you don’t see me or when we part and I don’t see you for days nor even touch your hand or stroke you hair or kiss your sweet lips. Just imagine the burden you’re causing me when you leave me.

I’m handing you my heart and everything you’ve claimed there. There is not one smallest part that you have not possessed and you have the absolute power over it.

We continue to grow in love and passion for each other; I hope and continue to learn from each other.

My love and my reverence for you grow each and every day.

I love you my first and last.

I love you my dearest liebster.

I love you fiancé and the to-be father of my kids.

I love you my love, my life, my all.

Happy 1 year and 1 month.

Forever to go.

THOUGHTS: Love Letter (May 16 2013)


Eating quick dinners with you on weekdays is not enough,

Can we extend it to having our breakfast in bed?

Watching new movie releases with you is not enough,

Can we extend it to watching teleserye or watching TV on a lazy Sunday morning?

Writing these letters to you is not enough,

Can we extend it to post its on our refrigerator, bathroom mirror or our dining table?

Talking to you on the phone is not enough,

Can we extend it to talking beside each other during wee hours after our intimate time?

Driving me home when you can is not enough,

Can we extend it to going home at the same house?

Shopping clothes with you is not enough,

Can we extend it to buying our weekly and monthly groceries together?

‘See you soon’ kiss is not enough,

Can we extend it to good morning kisses after opening my eyes every morning?

Playing badminton with you on Saturdays is not enough,

Can we extend it to going to our child’s first badminton / basketball game?

Sending singing voice notes is not enough,

Can we extend it to singing lullabies to our children?

Meeting your family is not enough,

Can we extend it to having our own family?

Being your someone is not enough,

Can I also be your other half, your wife, be Mrs. Montoya someday?

Kissing you is not enough,

Can we extend it to kissing you in public, in front of the priest with god’s blessing?

365 days with you is not enough, Can we extend it to forever?

I love you, always and everyday.

P.S. Please wear it. It adds up to your handsome feature.

– A hoodie minus the hood, a gwapo clothing added to his handsome features. Plus a heart full of stars. :))) Of all the stars in the sky love, you are my north pole. You are what brings me home. I love you. One white star for my YES. – A thousand times over YES, Love.

I love youuuuuuuuu.