THOUGHTS: Things I learned from my Ex


It’s 15 days before Heart’s Day and what better time to reflect on this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still working on several of the points below but every person that you meet, every bond you’ve created, every memory that you treasure speaks volume and if you look at it hard enough, you’ll see that these experiences are bound to teach you something.

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  • There’s a life outside the relationship.

My friends used to tell me that when I first had a relationship, I forgot about them and that I was completely imprisoned by the relationship. It’s important to spend time with your partner but it’s also as important to spend time outside of your relationship, whether it is to set aside time for your hobby, spend a quiet time with your family, see your friends or whatever it is you like to do. Do it. Your partner is not your entire world. 

  • Learn to trust.

It may be difficult for someone who had an experience before, but your past is not your partner’s fault. If you love the person, trust that he will never hurt you intentionally just as you would not with him.

  • If you are truly important, he’ll wait.

Okay, this one. . . It’s a given. I was in High School. I was known for having the strictest parents alive. I had a school bus service in the morning and in the afternoon. Unlike the other students, I don’t get to socialize and go home whenever I want to. I can only socialize until a given time but I still had to ride with my bus. This certain suitor told me bluntly that the reason he stopped courting me was because I couldn’t get out of the house whenever he pleases. If he cares, if you’re important to him, he’ll spend time wherever you are, even if it’s just inside your house. 

  • Endings can mean a start something great.

It has to be. And that’s the only feasible explanation. God takes away a person because he has someone better for us. ❤ My marriage proves it. ❤ I am in a way, WAY better relationship now.

  • Appreciate the small things

You know how before it was taught to us that God appreciates the Php 10 from a beggar than a Php 1,000,000 from a Billionaire? It’s because the beggar gave everything he has. I was in a relationship before where my someone had to literally skip lunch and drink water from the cafeteria instead for a month to save Php 400 pesos to buy me a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts because she couldn’t save enough money to buy me cake? And honestly, it melted my heart. It’s really the small things that matter, the effort the other person gives. 

  • When you love someone, tell it to them. 

Life is short! If you feel it, tell it to them. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s okay. If they do, then great! Never miss a chance just because you fear rejection. 

From one of my most loved series and characters, ”If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there”. – Mark Sloan

  • Never tolerate infidelity

Infidelity is breaking that sacred bond you have with your partner. A commitment is a commitment for a reason. I used to be in a semi-relationship with a guy that started when he had a girlfriend. He broke it off with her to be with me. But I realized, how will I be able to trust him to be completely faithful when I know for a fact what he’s capable of? Second Chances for infidelity is still a no for me. But it depends on your values in life.

  • Never pretend someone you’re not

This is pretty simple. If I pretend to obsess over football just because the guy I like loves football — Can I imagine myself pretending to watch football for the years to come? No. just be yourself. If you eat a LOT, eat a mouthful on your first date! Don’t starve yourself. Guys likes girls who are not as skinny as a skeleton! The relationship will lasts longer if you both feel comfortable with each other. 

  • Communication is key

I used to be one of those girls who would throw a tantrum out of nowhere. (I AM, rather) I have not been able to remedy this yet. HAHA. but most often than not, your significant others are not a mind reader. Sometimes, they have absolutely no idea what they did wrong so they will continue to do exactly that. For example, If I was scrolling my feed and I saw my husband liked his ex’s or his crush’s picture — I will  not mind him and I will intentionally be difficult. I won’t say anything. But, for him not to do that again, I will have to tell him how it made me feel so that he understands. (but this is me, still a work in progress though). Tell your someone how you feel. It’s better to express it than to hide it in the long run. 

  • Not one of my past is a mistake. 

People will come and go, whether it may be your partner or your friend. If a relationship failed, it may be that someone better will come along or that person or the relationship is meant to teach you something. Maybe your ex brought you back to your passion, maybe your ex helped you bloom, maybe your ex taught you to dance, maybe your ex opened you to a new world, etc. Maybe your past made you realize that everything has its reason and should be seen as an experience to learn from. 

BOOK REVIEW : This is how you lose her – Junot Diaz


The truth is there ain’t no relationship in the world that doesn’t hit turbulence.

Even if you admit that she’s you heart, your everything. You cheat on her like the fucking cheating liar you really are.

When your girlfriend finds out that you boned someone else, it’s like a grenade. It detonates everything – past, present and future.

You try every trick in the book to keep her. You write her letters. And every hour like clockwork you say that you’re so sorry. You try it all, But one day she will simply sit up in bed and say, No more.

For awhile, you hunt the city. You phone her everyday and leave messages which she doesn’t answer. You write her long, sensitive letters, which she returned unopened. You even show up at her apartment at odd hours and at her job. You never see her again.

At first, you pretend it don’t matter. For a few weeks, you almost believe it. You run around around with the sluts like it’s the good old days, like nothing has happened. You’re feeling terribly guilty and terribly alone. You keep writing letters to her, waiting for the day that you can hand them to her. You also keep fucking everything that moves.

You end up being alone during holidays with no food, not with anyone. The ex, as you’re now calling her always cooked and set aside all the wings for you. You figure that’s as bad as it gets. A depression rolls over you, so profound you doubt there is a name for it. It feels like you’re being slowly pincered apart, atom by atom.

You stop doing almost everything. You try to describe it. Like someone flew a plane into your soul. Like someone flew two planes into your soul. Your little letters become more and more pathetic. ‘Please, please come back’.

You put all away the old pictures of her. No one will ever be like her. But you find yourself a girl anyway.

You want to turn over a new leaf. Takes you a bit – but you finally break clear and when you do, you feel lighter. You finally go on dates.

You get numbers but nothing you would take home to the family. You’re out all the time but no one seems to be biting. ”I think I need a break from the bitches”.

You take your break. You try to get back to your work. You start three novels. You get serious about your classes and you take up running. Every time you think about your EX, every time the loneliness rears up in you like seething, you tie on your shoes and run.

Out of nowhere, you call the ex, but of course she doesn’t pick you up. The fact that she doesn’t change her number gives you some strange hope.

You start doing push-ups and pull-ups and even some Yoga. You start having dinner with a couple of girls. You eventually erase her contact info from your phone but not the pictures of her in bed while she was naked and asleep.

Of course you dream about her. You want her to say your name, to touch you, but she doesn’t.

You want to move on. You work harder than you’ve ever worked at everything. You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the EX again. It doesn’t come.

There are surprises and there are surprises and then there is this. You didn’t think anything could hurt so bad. You are surprised at what a fucking chickenshit coward you are. It kills you to admit it but it’s true. How long does it usually take to get over it?

The day you decide it;s over, it’s over. You never get over it.

Our relationship wasn’t the sun, the moon and the stars, but it wasn’t bullshit either. A start is all we ever get.

THOUGHTS: Why is infidelity common?


So why do males, more often than not, allow their penis to make the decisions for them? Why do males – husbands, boyfriends or unofficial someone cheat?

Is it the heat? Oh come on. You can throw your clothes off or leave it on the floor and let your genitals hang. You don’t need another body heat. Besides, it will only cause you to perspire more.

Or, is it at that moment, your penis needed some action and your wife is not around? Why not do it on your own? Use your hand. You even have two. You don’t need another set of new hands to satisfy your cravings. That’s what you have been using before you even have a girlfriend. You need something to get you going? Imagine. Picture your wife. Use your brain, not your balls.

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You find someone particularly hot and sexy? So what. You have a sexy, beautiful and intelligent wife waiting for you at home, who even prepared your favorite meal for you.

You just want to have sex? But God. You have a wife/girlfriend. So why not just make love to her like you’re supposed to. Last time I checked, it was allowed. You don’t need a new person in the equation.

You don’t find your partner, sexually attractive? So why enter a committed relationship in the first place.

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Is it the thrill? Excuses. If you love your girlfriend, do it with them. Do it in a public place, try it in the wildest position you can imagine, do role plays or experiment with sex toys . . JUST DON’T DO IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Whatever you do, whatever reason you may have, just think about it first. Would you want your wife/girlfriend sleeping with someone else?

At least have the manners to break it off first or end the marriage before doing such act. Or the decency to save your soul before it is caught on fire.

P.S. No, my someone didn’t cheat on me. I’m in a loving relationship.