BOOK: The Chaos of Longing by K.Y Robinson


GOODREADS: Organized in four sections – Inception, Longing, Chaos, and Epiphany – K.Y. Robinson’s debut poetry collection explores what it is to want in spite of trauma, shame, injustice, and mental illness. It is one survivor’s powerful testimony, and a love letter “to those who lie awake burning. The Chaos of Longing is a brutally honest exploration of desire—physical, emotional, and spiritual.

  • All the makings of you are love at first sight. When I dream of you tonight, I will hold you hostage underneath my eyelids.
  • You told me not to fall in love with you but you knew the contours of my heart.
  • I’ve closed other doors in attempt to be yours. But you’re always eyeing the window and I can’t cure your wanderlust.
  • In the beginning, all I wanted was to be yours. It took time to realize that I have to stop giving myself away as if I didn’t belong to myself.
  • There’s a universe swirling inside you. You have to learn to be your own earth, wind, fire and water. You are a natural phenomenon – not a natural disaster.
  • Don’t shrink your truth to make it fit nice and neat in others as if it’s origami. Unfold and free yourself.

I somehow find it a bit pale and bland. In my interpretation, most of the content are about lust and desire and tidbits of other things.

Though, I am in awe of how he creates the metaphor, built by everything in our daily lives and transform it into something deeper. I love how the inclusion of the most mundane things make it seem more relevant.

*** It’s not something I would read over and over.

You awaken desire by not immediately handing over the object of that desire.


I think the words of Paulo Coelho here apply to all stages of life.

Remember, wanting to have that Disco Barbie or that new model of Nintendo. You cry for weeks, imagine that toy in your hands and showing it off to your friends – and you are absolutely sure that if there is only one toy you would wish from Santa, that would be it. But nighttime comes and your dad gets home, puts you on his lap and hands that precious gift to you. Your eyes glisten with happiness and desire, you play with it the whole night, you cling to it on your bedside, you play with it the next day and the day after – but after a week? Where do you find that toy? At the corner, gathering dust by itself.

I’m not sure if it’s just me or if it happens to you too. But back when I was in grade school and high school, I would have crushes – that’s normal. I find myself looking for that person at the gym, during recess, during mass, at the canteen and write her name at the back of my notebooks doing FLAMES – (if you recall that game) – like an obsession. But when a friend tells me that my object of affection returns my obsession, I immediately lose interest.

I have a crush on you.                                                                                                                                               You ignore me for a while.                                                                                                                                       You like me back.                                                                                                                                                          I lose my interest.

Does this happen a lot?

Or probably, we constantly look for the love that we don’t have. Or admire things that aren’t ours. Or maybe, we will never be satisfied or contented with what we have.                                                     Or we cling to something that isn’t given to us.

Maybe.