BOOK: Barking up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker: Chapter 2


The Surprising science behind why everything you know about success is mostly wrong.

Chapter 2: Do Nice Guys finish last? What can you learn about trust, cooperation and kindness.. from Gang members, pirates and serial killers

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  • According to Jeffrey Pfeffer, managing what your boss thinks of you is far more important than actual hard work.
  • Brilliant but Cruel: If someone is too nice, we figure they must be less competent. In fact, being a jerk makes others see you as more powerful.
  • Why do jerks succeed? they’re assertive about what they want, and they’re not afraid to let others know about what they’ve achieved.
  • Ruut Veenhoven: The quality of society is more important than your place in the society.
  • Discipline of continuous dealings: When you know and trust someone, it makes a transaction smoother and faster. That means more transactions happen, producing a better market and more value for everyone involve.

 

Axelrod’s Four Lessons from TFT’s success: (tit for tat)

  1. Don’t be envious – Just because someone else wins, that doesn’t mean you lose. Sometimes that person needs the fruit and you need the peel. And sometimes the strategy that makes you lose small on this round makes you win big on the next. Don’t worry how well the other side is doing, worry about how well you’re doing. 
  2. Don’t be the first to defect – Not only in reciprocity one of the key elements of being influential and winning favor with others but it’s also essential that you go first. All the big winners are nice and all the big losers started off betraying.
  3. Reciprocate both cooperation and defection – Never betray anyone initially. But if a person cheats you, don’t be a martyr.
  4. Don’t be too clever :

 

SIX FAST RULES

  • Pick the right pond – the people who surround us often determine who we become.
  • Cooperate first – Go ahead and send that new inmate a gift basket. When the knives come out in prison yard, you’ll have a lot more people watching your back.
  • Being selfless isn’t saintly, it’s silly
  • Work hard but make sure it gets noticed – Jerks are not afraid to push a little. They self-promote. They negotiate. They make themselves visible.
  • Think long term and make others think long term – a person always discern on two things; whether a potential partner can be trusted and whether he is likely to be encountered again.
  • Forgive

BOOK: The Four by Scott Gallaway


Goodreads: Amazon, Apple, Facebook, and Google are the four most influential companies on the planet. Just about everyone thinks they know how they got there. Just about everyone is wrong. Whether you want to compete with them, do business with them, or simply live in the world they dominate, you need to understand the Four.

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So let’s not be a hypocrite. I am a fan of the four, just like everybody else. You have to admit, at some point in your life, you wanted to work for them. I want to pick their brains out, have breakfast with them and find out what they talk about on a daily basis.

Let me list down what Scott Gallaway has to say about the Four Horsemen..

  1. Amazon (Earth’s Biggest Store) lower cost, greater selection and faster delivery.

Amazon’s rise rests on its appeal to our instincts. Bezos realized reviews could do the hard work of retailing for him. Customers do the marketing. By acting quickly and decisively – you force competitors to respond to your last maneuver as you’re entering the next one. It”s core competence is storytelling. They are replacing profits with vision and growth.

2. Google (Modern Man’s God)

Who else inspires so many queries about the unknown from all corners of the world? The insights into consumer behavior Google gleans from a billion queries each day make this horseman the executioner of traditional brands and media.

3. Facebook (Most Successful Thing in Human History)

It’s gaining influence faster than any enterprise in history. It’s algorithm can be used to microtarget distinct populations in specific geographic areas. It offers unparalleled granularity, assuring that advertisers only spend money on people who are already in-market. It decides which content is best suited to convey advertising and who will see it.

4. Apple (Most Profitable Company in History)

The global badge of wealth, education and western values. It counts among its congregation the most important people in the world: The Innovators. Apple decided to pursue scarcity to achieve out sized irrational profits. Apple is the first company to have a shot at multi generational success.

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  • The key to success in e-commerce wasn’t execution but creating the hype around a company’s potential, and then selling it to some rich sucker before the house of cards caved in.
  • The key to success in a multi channel era is knowing which channel to optimize and how to cater to our hunter-gatherer instincts.
  • What can you do that gives you an advantage that’s hugely expensive and that no one else can afford?

TROUBLE

  • All do more with less, all put people out of work.
  • When we allow an enterprise to run unchecked and lawless, we’ve lost respect for the proper standards they, versus other firms get to play by. It only adds further fuel to the flames of inequality.

Five Key Attributes to Success

  1. Iconic Founder
  2. Artisanship
  3. Vertical Integration
  4. Global
  5. Price Premium

The society trusts the four horsemen so much that we allow them to listen to our conversation, monitor our transactions, keep track of what we’re doing and harvest our consumption data. We give them so much power in to our private lives. The four is leveraging big data and has an unrivaled knowledge of consumer purchasing patterns. We have voluntarily handed over all information.

The four have so much power over our lives that most of us would be rocked to the core if one or more of them were to disappear.

P.S. The book’s really good. It will give you insights that you never thought or ever looked into. I suggest you pick up the book, head over to the counter, pay for it and lock yourself in a room until you finish it. ❤

BOOK: Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert


Goodreads: When Suzette comes home to Los Angeles from her boarding school in New England, she isn’t sure if she’ll ever want to go back. L.A. is where her friends and family are (along with her crush, Emil). And her stepbrother, Lionel, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, needs her emotional support. But as she settles into her old life, Suzette finds herself falling for someone new…the same girl her brother is in love with. When Lionel’s disorder spirals out of control, Suzette is forced to confront her past mistakes and find a way to help her brother before he hurts himself–or worse.

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You know what I love about the book? It’s very open. ❤ It talks about sexuality, homosexuals, race, family, friendship, knowing yourself and being okay with it. ❤ ❤ ❤

Highlights:

  • I know how easy it is to believe you’re doing the right thing if you say it to yourself often enough.
  • It makes me think there’ll never be a time when we question our bond.
  • Maybe you’re bi. maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re somewhere on the spectrum. Bi.. queer… it doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re happy. Just make sure you don’t let anyone tell you what you are. People can be real assholes about labels.
  • I will never be done with you. Ever.

 

I recommend this book. ❤ It’s a 4/5 for me.

BOOK: BRIGHTSIDE by KIM HOLDEN


GOODREADS: ”Kate Sedgwick’s life has been anything but typical. She’s endured hardship and tragedy, but throughout it all she remains happy and optimistic (there’s a reason her best friend Gus calls her Bright Side). Kate is strong-willed, funny, smart, and musically gifted. She’s also never believed in love. So when Kate leaves San Diego to attend college in the small town of Grant, Minnesota, the last thing she expects is to fall in love with Keller Banks. They both feel it. But they each have a reason to fight it. They each have a secret. ”
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  • I love how detailed and unreal she describes the character: ‘Smiles aren’t always happy, but hers is. It’s open, content and confident. She looks friendly in the most literal sense of the word, like you’d swear you’ve known her for years, and she knows all your secrets. And still likes you in spite of them. It’s the same smile she wore everyday. It’s the same smile that made everything better. It’s the same smile that was tangible proof I was surrounded by goodness. It’s the same smile that made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
  • I’m doing cartwheels inside.
  • Sometimes things go my way, sometimes they don’t. That’s life. You just have to make the most of it.
  • If there’s anyone in this world who’s capable of insane amounts of love and who deserves to be loved that way in return, it’s you.
  • You guys have a stellar evening!
  • It’s rare. People don’t take the time to find it. Or they let it go too easily. Or they don’t know how precious it is when they have it.
  • Sweetheart, you could steal my thunder anytime.
  • You’re blushing like a whore in a church.
  • Sometimes we need reminding that it’s all important – the good and the bad.
  • You know, it’s not all fun and some of it is bullshit but that’s life, dude. Sometimes it sucks. But you know what? It always gets better.
  • You’d better squeeze the life out of every single minute.
  • I’m not saying you shouldn’t pursue your dreams, I’m just saying you should not forsake the present for the unknowns of the future. A lot of happiness is bypassed, overlooked, postponed to a time years from now that may never come. Don’t bide your time and miss out on this moment for a tomorrow with no guarantee.
  • He’s owned the crowd all night.
  • She’s his muse. Always has been. You saw what they just did together. No one else brings that out in him. They feed off each other.
Have you ever met someone who’s content and happy to her core? And when you’re around her it’s… contagious? Like you want to be a better person just so you feel worthy of being in that person’s life? 
 
Imagine for a moment that you were free of all the expectations in your life. What would you do? How would you live your life with no one watching? What would your future look like?
 
Katie had an unbelievable gift for making the best of any situation, good or bad. 

BOOK: FOR ONE MORE DAY by MITCH ALBOM


Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, they you know you can go your whole life collecting days, none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

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There’s just a bigger, heavier and harder tug in your heart when it’s about parents, right? I don’t know about you but I usually don’t get affected easily in movies or in books whether if there’s an accident or a tragic event — but when they start talking about parents, count on my tears.

Book Highlights: 

  • There’s only your life, how you mess it up and who is there to save you.
  • I seem to be aging while standing still.
  • When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else.
  • All that happens when your dreams come true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn’t what you thought.
  • Education is what you’ll make something of yourself.
  • When someone is in your heart, they’re never really truly gone. They can come back to you even at unlikely times.
  • Life goes by pretty quickly. It’s such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it.
  • You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.
  • You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.
  • That’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead if going into every fight with backup, you are going to every fight alone.
  • When you’re young, you nest in your parent’s plans, not your own.
  • My mother loved me through vomit and snot and bloody knees. She loved me coming and going, at my worst and at my best. She had a bottomless well love for me.
  • Kids chase the love that eludes them.
  • Kids are embarrassed by their parents. Sometimes, kids want you to hurt the way they hurt.
  • You do what you gotta do to hold your family together.
  • You have to work at your marriage together. You have to love each other, your children and your marriage. There are times that you fight, sometimes you won’t even like each other, but those are the times you have to love your marriage. Look at your memories together, they will pull you back together.
  • You count the hours you could have spent with your mother. It’s a lifetime in itself.
  • When you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.
  • Sticking with your family is what makes it a family.
  • I believe that if parents love you, they will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you’ll never know what they endured and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn’t.

 

Times my Mother stood up for me / Times I failed to stand up for my Mom:

  • Mom: visiting chick in school just to have milkshake with him, showing up in every baseball game, smears ice cream just to make chick laugh, tickles him and lets chick tickle her back, impersonates cartoons, tucks him in every night.
  • Mom: Posey scaring the dog away that was chasing charlie.
  • Mom: Posey maid a mummy costume for chick’s first Halloween but it rained so the costume was soaked.
  • Charlie: He yelled ‘You ruined my life’ after being soaked in the rain, ruining his costume.
  • Mom: When posey helped her son finish his homework.
  • Mom: ‘Never, ever tell a child that something is too hard! and never, NEVER this child’. — when the librarian didn’t allow charlie to take the book he wanted.
  • Charlie: ‘It’s not right’, charlie says to his mother’s cooking of baked ziti.
  • Charlie: He revealed that their Mom was pretending to be Santa while she tries her best to make Roberta happy.
  • Charlie: yelling to her mother, ‘You make me sick’.
  • Mom: Posey supported chick when he wanted to invest in a sports bar.

 

Sometimes the stories are simple, sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins. 

P.S. Read this to appreciate your parents better. ❤

BOOK: THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN BY MITCH ALBOM


I’ve read this when I was in first year college and noticed that it’s not in here so I re-read it again. No problem, always a good read..

Mitch has an enchanting way to draw you in, make you feel guilty, teach you about life and make you crawl inside a cave, listen to your thoughts and come out of it renewed and feeling like you know so much about life.

Goodreads: ‘Eddie is a wounded war veteran, an old man who has lived, in his mind, an uninspired life. His job is fixing rides at a seaside amusement park. On his 83rd birthday, a tragic accident kills him as he tries to save a little girl from a falling cart. He awakes in the afterlife, where he learns that heaven is not a destination. It’s a place where your life is explained to you by five people, some of whom you knew, others who may have been strangers. One by one, from childhood to soldier to old age, Eddie’s five people revisit their connections to him on earth, illuminating the mysteries of his “meaningless” life, and revealing the haunting secret behind the eternal question: “Why was I here?”‘
The succeeding lines will reveal everything about the book. So if you’re planning to read it blind, please skip this post as this will be a serious spoiler.
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The Five People he meets in heaven and why: 
1. The Blue Man
The Blue Man was not in Eddie’s life, only in passing. Let me first explain why he’s named such. As obvious as it can be, he simple has a blue ash skin. When he was a kid — he overdosed on silver nitrate and as a side effect, gave him a blue skin. As he got older, his only escape in life is to be with the other freaks, the unique people — in the freak show of Ruby Pier. 
He’s connected with Eddie because when eddie was a kid and playing ball, the blue man had a car accident because he tried to avoid hitting the kid on the street. Eddie was the kid. 
 
Blue Man Lesson: There are no random acts. That we are all onnected. That you can no mmore separate one life from another.Fairness does not govern life and death. All lives intersect. Death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed. Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know. No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. 
 
2. The Captain
The captain was Eddie’s commanding officer when joined the army and went to war. Eddie was captured together with 4 other soldiers and the captain in the Philippines. They suffered and witnessed so many things together. On the day of their escape, the captain shot Eddie’s leg to save him from the burning nipa hut. 
 
The Captain Lesson: Dying? not the end of everything. But what happens on earth is only the beginning. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. That’s the thing. Sometimes when you sacrifice something, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else. 
 
3. Ruby
Ruby was a stunningly beautiful waitress back in the day. She captured a lot of hearts but she was bound to marry Emile. Emile was the founder of Ruby Pier. But one day, the park was engulfed with fire and the trauma haunted Emile and his wifef, affecting their lives. Emile and Eddie’s father shared the same hospital room. Ruby explained the death of his father. 
 
Ruby Lesson: Things that happen before you are born still affect you. Holding anger is a poison. Hatred is a curved blade. The harm we do, we do to ourselves. 
 
4. Marguerite
Marguerite is Eddie’s puppy love, wife, one true love, best friend and everything good about his life is her. They met and danced at the park. She waited for him when he was at war. They got married but never had children. After the war, Eddie is a changed man. One night, they fought and Marguerite was in a car accident on her way to see Eddie and apologize to him. 
 
Marguerite Lesson: Lost love is still love. Life has to end, love doesn’t.
 
5. Tala
Tala was the little girl hiding during the war. On the day she hid inside a nipa hut, the four soldiers, Eddie and the captain escaped. As part of their plan, they burned the nipa hut, not knowing there was a little girl inside the hut. 
 
Tala Lesson: Everything that we do has a reason. We are all bound to do good on this earth. Eddie was miserable all his life because he thought that his life was so useless, doing the same thing everyday, checking the rides, making sure it was safe. Tala taught him that although he accidentally killed her during the war, he was doing good by keeping people safe. We often neglect our purpose in life, but those little things means a lot if we only appreciate and look at the bigger picture. 
 
And soon, Eddie will also be someone else’s second, third, fourth or fifth person in heaven. 
 
Each affects the other and the other affects the nexxt, and the world s full of stories, but the stories are all one. 

BOOK: THE MAGIC STRINGS OF FRANKIE PRESTO BY MITCH ALBOM


I’ve always loved Mitch Albom as do everyone I know. And I’m not surprised, really. The way he writes, you know there’s some research involved, hours and hours spent in writing & rereading chapters. It can’t be just imagination with him. I always, always learn something from his books, may it be a new phrase, a new song, a new place, history and so much more. It’s not just life lessons (which he’s great at) but he never fails to input a metaphor that captures the essence of his books.

 

We all join a band in life. And it will affect you as much as you affect it! 

 

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GOODREADS:  ”This is the epic story of Frankie Presto—the greatest guitar player who ever lived—and the six lives he changed with his six magical blue strings

Frankie, born in a burning church, abandoned as an infant, and raised by a music teacher in a small Spanish town, until war rips his life apart. At nine years old, he is sent to America in the bottom of a boat. His only possession is an old guitar and six precious strings. His amazing journey weaves him through the musical landscape of the 1940s, ’50s and ’60s, with his stunning playing and singing talent affecting numerous stars (Duke Ellington, Hank Williams, Elvis Presley) until, as if predestined, he becomes a pop star himself.

He makes records. He is adored. But Frankie Presto’s gift is also his burden, as he realizes the power of the strings his teacher gave him, and how, through his music, he can actually affect people’s lives. At the height of his popularity, tortured by his biggest mistake, he vanishes. His legend grows. Only decades later, having finally healed his heart, does Frankie reappearjust before his spectacular death—to change one last life. With the Spirit of Music as our guide, we glimpse into the lives that were changed by one man whose strings could touch the music—and the magic—in each of us.”

 

Highlights from the book:

  • This is how talents are bestowed. Before newborns open their eyes, we circle them, appearing as brilliant colors and when they clench their tiny hands. they are actually grabbing colors they find most appealing and those talents are with them for life.
  • You cannot change your past no matter how you craft your future
  • Sometimes I think the greatest talent of all is perseverance.
  • In every artist’s life, there comes a person who lifts the curtain on creativity.
  • Talent is a piece of god’s shadow and under that shadow, human stories intersect.
  • You cannot write if you do not read, you cannot eat if you do not chew and you cannot play if you do not listen.
  • Do not cry over losing blood, not for something that you love.
  • Money is a mystery. While it clearly means a great deal to humans, it seems to me an enormous burden.
  • Truth is light. Lies are shadows.
  • Can i be both? — Being both means being neither.
  • Every loss leaves a hole in your heart.
  • The secret is not to make your music louder, but to make the world quieter.
  • I’m scared. — Yes, and you will be scared again. All your life. You must conquer this. Face them and pretend they aren’t there. You can do it. Always remember I said you can do it.
  • Where you are going, you need to listen. When you listen, you learn.
  • Music allows for quick creation. But it is nothing compared with what you humans can destroy in a single conversation.
  • Le duy vas xalaven pe — the hands wash each other.
  • Rerum cognoscere causas — to know the causes of things
  • Thank you. — For what? —- For not giving up
  • I can’t do anything without you either. Marry me. Please? — Santa and Mr. Bingle are always together. — Always. — No matter what. — No matter what. — All right. I’ll marry you.
  • We heal a wounded heart with an oath that reassures it.
  • The less you humans can solve a mystery, the more interesting it becomes to you.
  • This is life. Things get taken away. You will learn to start over many times — or you will be useless.
  • First rule of friendship mates, learn how to keep a secret.
  • The point is, you have to decide who you are playing for.
  • The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
  • The older you get, the more you want your kids to know about you. At a certain point, your life is more about your legacy to your kids than anything else.
  • Your most passionate compositions are often inspired by loss.
  • What you’re thinking about can be what you become.
  • He realized how many people it takes to keep one child alive in this world.
  • You will never know all there is to know. You will learn until your final days. Then you will inspire someone else.

 

Frankie, joining several bands.. changed lives: 

  1. He joined another band, this one without even playing. Django would have never experienced America, or the way it influenced his life and art.
  2. Mr. Hampton, the mechanic. Frankie saved his life by promising tickets after an audition because the doctors wouldn’t let them in, telling them to bring hampton to a coloured hospital.
  3. Ellis grew up and joined the army. On the night frankie was going back to his hotel, the car that they were using was wired. Frankie saved the life of ellis with his guitar as an exchange.
  4. Josefa, the nun was redeemed by frankie’s forgiveness.

 

Let’s just talk about how toxic and fascinating Frankie and Aurora are. Without the gadgets that we have now, how can two people just cross paths & reunite over and over again after years of not being together? I applaud Aurora for being so patient of frankie’s absence in her life, of how music and fame stole him from her and simply just how passionate and committed she is to her. How can their relationship work? I don’t know. But I admire these two specially on the latter part of their destined life, raising their child.

 

The book, thru frankie brings the readers to so many places around the world, introducing us to different cultures, different genres, different artists and different lives. It gives us a glimpse of how passion can be a fire that can keep you glowing or that can burn you into ashes. It tells us how music can sometimes be the only salvation, communication and expression of an individual when words seem to be not enough.

 

Again, Mitch Albom does it.

As life goes on, you will join other bands, some through friendships, some through romance, some through neighborhoods, schools, an army. Maybe you will all dress the same, or laugh at your own private vocabulary. Maybe you will flop on couches backstage, or share a boardroom table, or crowd around galley inside a ship. But in each band you join, you will play a distinct part, and it will affect you as much as you affect it. And, as usually the fate with bands, most of them will break up – through distance, differences, divorce or death.

 

 

 

BOOK: WHAT LIGHT by JAY ASHER


GOODREADS: Sierra’s family runs a Christmas tree farm in Oregon—it’s a bucolic setting for a girl to grow up in, except that every year, they pack up and move to California to set up their Christmas tree lot for the season. So Sierra lives two lives: her life in Oregon and her life at Christmas. And leaving one always means missing the other.

Until this particular Christmas, when Sierra meets Caleb, and one life eclipses the other.

By reputation, Caleb is not your perfect guy: years ago, he made an enormous mistake and has been paying for it ever since. But Sierra sees beyond Caleb’s past and becomes determined to help him find forgiveness and, maybe, redemption. As disapproval, misconceptions, and suspicions swirl around them, Caleb and Sierra discover the one thing that transcends all else: true love.

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I don’t find the book that interesting. This is also the reason why it took me about a week to finish a relatively short novel. It’s okay, not great.. not extremely bad but leaning towards boring. There was no peak or highlight. It didn’t make me fall in love with the characters nor giggly with their love story either.

If I’m asked whether if I’ll recommend it? No.

BOOK: All your perfects by Colleen Hoover


Goodreads: Quinn and Graham’s perfect love is threatened by their imperfect marriage. The memories, mistakes, and secrets that they have built up over the years are now tearing them apart. The one thing that could save them might also be the very thing that pushes their marriage beyond the point of repair.

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This is what scares me in a marriage. How can two perfectly in love couple just fall out of love? Can a relationship stay the same if both work on it hard enough? Infidelity is one but how can a person who used to give you so much contentment and happiness be the person you don’t want to see next to you in the morning? Two, children is not the sole goal to a marriage. Why can’t it be two people who wants to commit to each other for the rest of their lives call it a happy marriage whether or not they have kids? Children are an amazing gift of god, but I think it is only a by-product of the love the couple has for each other. It’s not only kids that keeps a marriage alive.

Anyway, despite the whirlwind of emotions this book cost me, I was able to finish it in one night and one day. That’s just how much I want to keep reading and rooting for their marriage to work out. I won’t spoil but Graham less the infidelity is just amazing, how much he loves his wife. And his tear jerking letters. I promise to love you more when…

With my marriage? I also hope to weather Category 5 moments or even the stronger ones. Fingers crossed. ❤ Colleen, you did it again! You really are one of my favorite authors! ❤

The SAD Parts: 

  • He used to look at me with amusement and awe. Now his eyes just flood me with pity.
  • It’s strange how I can miss a person who is still here. It’s strange that I can miss making love to a person I still have sex with
  • Should he be punished by my infertility? He says kids don’t matter to him as much as I matter to him, but I know he says that because he doesn’t want to hurt me. But ten or twenty years from now, he’ll resent me.
  • Just because we used to be perfect for each other doesn’t mean we’re perfect together now.

The GRAHAM Parts: 

  • Graham: Nothing about you is unimpressive.
  • Graham: You are so fucking beautiful.
  • Graham: Be my wife, Quinn. Weather the category 5 moments with me.
  • Graham: I didn’t marry you just for the good years. I didn’t marry you just for the amazing chemistry we have. And I’d be foolish to think our marriage could last an eternity without a few tough moments. I know one thing with complete certainty, I love you more this year than any year that came before it. And as much as I promise to be your pillar of strength for as long as you need one. I’m sure I will sometimes fail you. My whole purpose in life is to make you happy and sometimes I feel like I’m unable to do that anymore. Sometimes I give up on myself. But I just pray that you don’t give up on me.
  • Graham: I promise to love you more when you’re hurting than when you’re happy.  I promise to love you more when we’re poor than when we’re swimming in riches. I promise to love you more when you’re crying than when you’re laughing. I promise to love you more when you’re sick than when you’re healthy. I promise to love you more when you hate me than when you love me.

Some lines from the book: 

  • Sometimes when people change, it’s not always noticeable in a marriage, because the couple changes together, in the same direction. But sometimes people change in opposite direction.
  • The problem is, love and happiness are not concordant. One can exist without the other.
  • It’s hard to hold one to someone who has long since slipped away.
  • When you associate yourself with another person for so long, it’s difficult becoming your own person again.
  • Ten years from now on August eight, I’m going to roll over in our bed at midnight and whisper, ‘I told you so’ in your ear.
  • Smiling like he just conquered he world.
  • My husband’s heart is my saving grace.
  • He’s just the right amount of confident and cocky. But he balances that out with his reverent side. He’s funny and smart and he comes on way too strong, but it all feels so genuine.
  • Sadness is like a spiderweb. You don’t see it until you’re caught up in it, and then you have to claw at yourself to try to break free.
  • We’re all full of flaws. Hundreds of them. They’re like tiny holes all over our skin. Sometimes we shine too much light on our own flaws. But there are some people who try to ignore their own flaws by shining light on other people’s to the point that the other person’s flaws become their only focus. They pick at them, little by little, until they rip wide open and that’s all we become to them. One giant, gaping flaw.
  • When you meet someone who is good for you, they won’t fill you with insecurities by focusing on your flaws. They’ll fill you with inspiration, because they’ll focus on all the best parts of you.
  • Sometimes people meet and none of the surface-level-stuff matters because they see past all that.
  • It’s weird. I used to be fine when I was alone. But now that I have you, I’m lonely when I’m alone.
  • It wouldn’t matter if that consisted of a conversation, a kiss or a three day fuck-a-thon. Betrayal hurts the same on any level when it’s your husband doing the betraying.
  • A good husband stands at his wife’s side through sickness and health. A good husband – a husband who truly loves his wife – wouldn’t cheat on her and then blame his infidelity on the act that he’s lonely.
  • It’s funny how you can be so happy with someone and love them so much it creates an underlying sense of fear in you that you never knew before them. The fear of losing them. The fear of them getting hurt.
  • Be whatever you want to be. Be a soldier, if you want. Or a lawyer or a CEO or a housewife. The only thing you shouldn’t be is embarrassed.
  • No matter how much you love someone – the capacity of that love is meaningless if it outweighs your capacity to forgive.
  • What’s the secret to such a perfect marriage? Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. No marriage is perfect. There were times when she gave up on us. There were even more times when I gave up on us. The secret to our longevity is that we never gave up at the same time.
  • The sight of him alone instantly calms me.
  • The longer it takes, we might even appreciate it a little more. Gratitude is born in the struggle.
  • But I promise you I am loving you harder this year than any year that came before it.