The Surprising science behind why everything you know about success is mostly wrong.
Chapter 3: Do Quitters never win and Winners never quit?
- Creative individuals frame their experiences. They regard failure as a learning experience. They try to build upon its lessons in their future endeavors.
- The capacity to continue trying despite repeated setbacks was associated with a more optimistic outlook in life.
- Sometimes quitting is the smartest choice and giving up, when done right can make you a huge success too.
- ‘Self Talk’ – It turns out when these words are positive, they have a huge effect on your mental toughness, your ability to keep going.
- We’re not always right that we ‘can’t do it’. Sometimes there’s a way out that we didn’t see because we gave up.
- ‘Depressive Realism’ – optimists lie to themselves. But if we all stop believing anything can change, nothing ever will. We need a bit of fantasy to keep us going.
- It all comes down from the stories you tell yourself about the world. And that’s something you can change.
- Optimists shape their stories according to 3 Ps: permanence, pervasiveness and personalization.
- If life is all about pleasure, then when it ceases to be fun or immediately beneficial, we quit. When we step outside the wish for comfort, when we live for something greater than ourselves, we no longer have to fight the pain, we accept the pain as a sacrifice. And we don’t give up. It’s the stories we tell ourselves that keep us going. They can be a higher truth. Or in many cases, they don’t need to be true at all.
- Frankl: What is to give light must endure burning.
- Stories are the invisible undercurrent that promotes success in a shocking number of the most important areas of life. Stories are a filter, imposing order on an often chaotic world. Stories remove information. They make recollections less accurate. They are deliberately constructed, but life often isn’t. Stories can keep us going because of their inaccuracy. Stories aren’t perfect pictures of the world, but they allow us to succeed for this very reason. You weren’t ‘born to do anything in particular but when your ‘story’ says you were ‘born’ to do something, you perform better and persist.
- A healthy minds tells itself flattering lies.
- ‘Scrooge Effect’ – when you take a little time to think about death, you become more kind and generous to others. You put aside short-term goals for a moment and consider who you really want to be.
- Fate is that thing we cannot avoid. It comes for us despite how we try to dun from it. Destiny is the thing we must chase, what we must bring to fruition. It’s what we strive toward and make true.
- We are what we pretend to be. If you want to be a knight, act like a knight.
- ‘Cognitive reappraisal’ – telling yourself a different story about what is happening. By engaging in cognitive reappraisal and telling ourselves a different story about what is happening, we an subvert the entire willpower paradigm.
Make it a game. Make your problems, struggles or goals a game and make it WNGF – Winnable, Novel Challenges, Goals and Feedback
- Winnable – Each game has clear rules. We intuitively know that and it makes us very positive about our chances if we persist.
- Novel Challenges – Good games make sure we’re always stimulates by something just a little different, honing our attention.
- Goals – Good games are very clear what you need to do to win. They serve to focus you and guide decision making.
- Feedback – the best way to motivate people is by facilitating small wins. Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win.
The Upside of Quitting
- Everything we do in life is a trade – off. Choosing to do one thing means not doing something else.
- Opportunity Cost – the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Quit doesn’t have to be the opposite of grit. It has to be Strategic Quitting.
- Once you’ve found something you’re passionate about, quitting secondary things can be an advantage, because it frees up time to do that number one thing.
- Peter Drucker: time is the most important resource. Getting rid of everything that wasn’t moving the needle when it came to achieving your goals.
- Know your number one priority. Then start quitting stuff that isn’t as important and see what happens.
- You can do anything once you stop trying to do everything.
- Try things. Quit what fails. Then apply grit.
- The more experiments you make, the better. Fail fast, fail cheap.
- Moving on from dead end pursuits is essential to the discovery of more promising paths.
So don’t be afraid to do some experiments and quit the ones that don’t work. It can lead to great things. You need to quit some things to find out what to be gritty at. And you need to try stuff knowing you might quit some of it to open yourself up to the luck and opportunities that can make you successful.