BOOK: GRACEFULLY GRAYSON BY AMI POLONSKY

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White and Black, Light and Dark. And me, in the middle of it all Gray.

  1. How would it feel to hide an enormous, important, life threatening secret from your friends, neighbours maybe even the members of your family?
  2. Isolate vs Integrate
  3. I want to smash something into the mirror until I’m a million pieces on the ground, but I’m stuck in front of my reflection and I tell myself to breathe, to try harder. – I think it’s really hard to hate yourself and hate the person staring back at you in the mirror for pretending to be someone and you can’t do anything about it.
  4. The noise bounces like a million invisible Ping-Pong balls from the floor to the ceiling to the windows to the tops of the lunch tables and over and over again.
  5. I feel like I’ve been hit from behind by a wave of lava.
  6. It’s not easy to do something new. – It’s brave enough of him to voluntarily go to the try outs when he knows he’s going to be teased about it.
  7. My heartbeat is like a drumbeat. It surrounds me. Each gentle thud creates ripples all around me.
  8. My words hang in front of us like fog.
  9. My mother cannot exist without me, but I know what that means, I can’t exist without her. – Long hidden from the hearts of the teen ager’s raging hormones, lies this fact.
  10. But as long as I’m here in this cold, dark, evil land, I will never smile, I will never eat, I will never do anything but try to get home. – as long as I’m pretending to be a boy, I will never be happy.
  11. All I want is form him to be true to himself. – I wish every parent with a third gender child would feel the same way.
  12. My heartbeat is wild.
  13. Why would you want to set yourself up to be teased like that? Kids can be very cruel.
  14. Mom and Dad knew. They knew, and it was okay. – It means everything when your parents accept you for who you are, to feel comfortable in your skin, to have them love you. I wouldn’t care for anybody else’s approval.
  15. Everything keeps on flip-flopping back and forth, from bad to good, over and over again.
  16. The quiet hangs over us like a cloudy sky.
  17. If it’s not perfect, it’s not the end of the world. – If it’s not a happy ending, then it’s not finish. So smile. Life can be very cruel but there will always be something good waiting around the corner.
  18. Sometimes, everything needs to fall apart before it can come back altogether the way it’s supposed to. – Cliché, but I’d like to believe in this. To have something to look forward to. To have hope that things will get better and that everything has a purpose.
  19. It builds character to stand in someone else’s shoes. You know, try to see things from another perspective.
  20. Sometimes people make important decisions that are risky.
  21. My heartbeat and all the footsteps bounce like a million of bullets.
  22. I think to be brave, you have to be scared at the same time. To be brave means there’s something important you have to do and you’re scared, but you do it anyway.
  23. Take important action despite of fear.
  24. Risk taking is not free, but I can assure you, it’s worth it.

I take two tiny hairclips that I’ve been carrying around out of my pocket and arrange them neatly behind my ears. I smooth out my hair and walk out the doorway and into the hall.

 

                I think it’s mildly wild when you’re living in the closet. When you have to watch what you say, what you do, how you dress and the little things all the time. It’s tiring and happiness won’t be there as long as you’re in the hiding. I love homosexuals, they’re a lot easier to deal with. They usually carry a lot of baggage, but they’re also the kindest and happiest people to be around with.

                If you’re still in the closet, it’s okay. Let people know who you are. If they resent you, then they’re not your people. The people who truly loves you will accept you and love you no matter what.

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