Depressing day – week – turning into a month.

There’s no perfect job, as everybody says. On the contrary, a lot of people, articles, magazines, blogs that tells us that you have to love your work – what you’re doing then you won’t have to work another day in your life.

Let’s tackle the first part. There is no perfect job. A lot of things should be considered. Right? Like what? Your boss should not be a mani-ac. There shouldn’t be any disgusting look – look where you feel that you are being undressed slowly. Ha-ha. Nor should there be any secretive cupping down south or up north. He, I’m not being a sexist. In my case, the boss is a ‘he’shows respect knowing that you are his subordinate.  Moreover, he should be able to teach you, be your mentor regarding your job and the smallest details like comment on how the sequence of your slides is presented up until how you will approach the big boss in an ethical and righteous manner with no sign of condescending tone. A plus would be someone who you can kid around and be with comfortably minus the awkward pauses in between. Someone who will be able to train you without holding back from fear that you will be replacing him, who knows how to give you credit, taps your back with little victories and talks to you and correct your mistakes, someone who doesn’t take credit for all your sleepless nights in the office.

You gotta have an amicable and congenial relationship with your fellow employees. Back in High school, we were always taught that college is the real world. But, college for me was pretty much the same with my High school. It was probably the fault of my school, for not providing us the real world environment in college. Articles in newspaper would have the Assumption branded as the Ateneo of Exclusive school for girls – if that’s true. I am from Assumption and I do not find my school anywhere near Ateneo. I would strongly prefer a competitive, killing-for-grades environment that other universities have to prepare me for work. I suppose, work has this love-hate relationship among its employees. My former boss –Paulo and Erwin, who I wish was still my boss, taught me CYA/SYA – Cover Your Ass / Save Your Ass which I reckon to apply in this love-hate relationship. I may never win the Miss Congeniality award, but I do think of my officemate’s welfare. And, I’m proud to say that out of my almost 1 year experience here, I have not done any evil scheme to advance my career unlike someone I know. I guess, there will always be this mentality to think of yourself first? How can you actually pick the people you are supposed to trust? High school and College cannot teach you that step by step with a process to follow and guidelines to keep you in track.

Pay! or Benefits. Depending on where you stand, and on what track you are trying to pursue, people may have different expectations. Honestly, I would have settled for 12 to 15 a month before with the ignorance that there are companies who will pay higher for positions such as where I am in. At the beginning, I was pleased. But now that I am about to have my first year at work, or am I getting older or more mature? What matters more to me is the kind of work.

The actual work. As you can see, compared to my previous posts, this is way too long. First, because I really want to express how depressing, unsatisfying and condescending my work is but also because I have nothing else to do – which also disgusts me, by the way. One has to love what she is doing. Just to give you the slightest brief of background, when my sister graduated and got employed by chinabank, I cannot fully comprehend why she would want to work in a bank. Until now actually, or I meant, before I got employed or no. Months after I got in BOC, I was still hesitant to work in a bank because what else could be the sole reason? I have absolutely no interest working in a bank, although, after months of deliberately trying to win my heart for the bank, I actually did – in some parts (products, in particular).

Actually, help me out here. I cannot fully equate respect, hardwork, skills, knowledge, time and effort with charm, humour and a little chit-chat with everyone.

I have zero charm in my body. My charm, in all aspects went out the window when I was still a toddler. And, generally, I am a shy person. Although I may appear to be a snob and confident because of my facial features, truth is, I would rather sit in a corner most of the time. I’m not the type who will approach a co-employee or even a boss and have a little chat unless I’m very close to the person in the first place.

After dilly-dally–ing and moping around, I talked to my mom – my comfort. She may not tell me the kindest words, but she tells me the truth. always. She doesn’t sugar coat and pretend that everything is okay now. She told me that whatever I’m experiencing – god has a reason for it. And that, maybe, God has a better plan for me ahead – way better than what I had planned for myself. Or, that this is supposed to teach me something and that, I will have my time.

So, I stopped crying, wiped my tears and went back to my cubicle. I even helped pusta to reserve a room for that meeting. Whew. Be the bigger person, always. I asked my judeyy to accompany me to the adoration to pray – for me to keep in mind what my mom discussed with me and to remind myself to use the idle time for more productive work than pushing myself to self-pity. 

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